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“It’s not?” I asked, and she shook her head.
“What else then?”
She watched me as though seeing me for the first time, and then she sighed.
“It’s you. I mean, no matter what, I still have that image of you in mind from the first time we met. I mean the day you scolded me in your office and tried to get me fired, and I don’t think it has really changed since then. I mean, I like it. You deserve that reverence at work, but afterward, like now, I don’t quite know how to switch it off. I didn’t even know if I should switch it off. The only time it doesn’t really matter is… you know?”
“When you're coming into my mouth?” I asked, and just like that, she flushed a tomato red.
It was my turn to be amused because I absolutely love it when she gets this shy.
“Yeah,” she replied. “At those times… I can’t think of anything else, much less how to be afraid of you.”
“You’re afraid of me?” I asked, and she turned to look at me.
“Not exactly,” she sighed. “I just… I respect you a lot, so I guess that affects how I relate to you.”
I nodded in understanding.
“Alright,” I said.
She, however, and to my delight, leaned into me, and I understood then that she was very aware of what I was saying. I nodded in approval and tried to look elsewhere.
“Someone said today in the office that I haven’t gotten fired yet despite my monumental mistakes because you’re attracted to me.”
I didn’t respond to her words or try to deny them because while they sounded very ridiculous to me, I couldn’t help but admit that it did hold some truth.
“It’s not entirely a lie, is it?” she asked.
I picked up her plate of appetizers and handed it over to her since it finally registered to me that right now and at this moment, we were conversing, which was what I wanted.
“No, it’s not,” I replied.
She went silent then as she continued to eat.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“I agree,” she said. “It’s not untrue, and I know I should feel bad about it. I mean, I’ve always only wanted to be accepted and treated based on merit.”
“You are accepted and treated based on merit,” I told her.
“But you just said you were also being lenient because of our relationship.”
“Yes,” I replied. “But it’s not just based on that alone. It’s also based on the fact that I see you try. You’re not waiting for me to tell you what to do, you’re proactive, you’re diligent. In fact, our relationship should be more than enough reasons for you to become lazy and sloppy at your job, but you’re not. In short, I think you’re even working harder as though you’re trying to prove something. I deeply appreciate that, and whether or not we were sleeping together, I would never fire someone who was putting in that much effort and rapidly improving like you are.”
At these words, she looked away as she continued to eat, and then she nodded.
“Alright,” she said. “I think I’m alright with it now. I deserve it.”
“You think so?” I asked, and she nodded, a smile curving across her lips because she knew exactly what I was doing.
“I know so,” she replied.
I wanted to tell her then not to smile the way she was currently smiling at me at George as well, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Instead, I decided to just change the topic.
“Who said that to you, by the way?” I asked and couldn’t help but reach out to wipe the stain of sauce on the corner of her lips.
“Who said what to me?” she asked.
