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“Indeed it is,” I smirked at him as a sly smile pierced his face.
“So you left the church? what did you do then?”
I stiffened as I tore my gaze from his, looking back up at the night sky,
“I did some research, found my path, my own beliefs.”
“Nyx and Hecate.”
I nodded back,
“I was intrigued. The Goddess of Night and The Goddess of Magic. Two of my favorite things in this world.”
“You enjoy the night and believe in magic?”
A slight smile appeared on my face,
“The night is beautiful. Most people are scared of it but I have found comfort in it and yes I do believe in magic. I believe there is magic everywhere, so long as you’re willing to find it.”
“And have you found magic in this world?”
“Yes, I have.”
I am so going to regret this when I’m sober.
I opened my palm and closed my eyes and slowly the small familiar warmth danced around in my hand and a small ember of a flame appeared. I smiled as I looked up at Lucifer. Half expecting to see the same reaction others had had. Fear, panic, and horror but instead he looked at the tiny flame in wonder and admiration.
“How long have you been able to do that?” He asked, finally looking at me. I knew I was going to regret this. How much did I want him to know? Did I even want him to know all of this? Why would he even want to know anyway?
“Since I was a child,” I said as I slowly closed my hand, extinguishing the small ember before he could touch it.
“Does Gabriel know?”
Of course, Gabriel knew. Gabriel was the only person who didn’t fear me or what I could do. He protected me. Kept me safe and tried to help me keep it under control.
“Yeah, he’s known for years and has been trying to help me keep it under control.”
Because bad things happen when you lose control.
“When I was younger it was hard to keep it under control. I didn’t want to hurt anyone but when I underwent punishments it was hard not to lash out.”
It was true. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I wanted to be strong and be able to take the pain and control myself but sometimes I couldn’t take it Physically or mentally, and I did end up hurting people. So many people.
“What kind of punishments?” His voice was tight as if he was restraining a part of himself. Keeping himself in check.
I took a big sip from my cup as I answered him,
“One time I didn’t eat my rice for dinner, so my mother made me kneel in a corner on hard, uncooked rice for I believe it was six hours.”
The scars of that night still plagued my skin. I hated it. Hated that I had been subjected to something like that by someone who was supposed to love and care for me. Some days the scars would be all I saw and I would sit in my bed for hours replaying over and over again in my head what had happened. What I had done to cause them. I glanced at Lucifer and could see the realization and perhaps sympathy in his eyes.
“When I was six I took a cookie from the snack cabinet without asking, she found out and of course, I lied about it saying I never touched the snack cabinet and she told me that if I was going to steal I might as well learn what happens to liars and thieves, she turned on the stove and slowly lowered my hand into the fire until I confessed.”
Just thinking about those days made old feelings come back up. Rage. Anger. Hate. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath as I glanced over and found Lucifer staring. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but I wasn’t in the mood to hear it.
“She felt no remorse did she?”
I shook my head at him. My mother was someone who believed she was always right and her behavior was acceptable. In her head everyone else was wrong and she was right.
