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Allie lets out a loud laugh. It’s a pleasing sound that makes me feel much happier than I should be right now. Somehow, making someone as smart as her laugh feels like a victory. She purses her lips at me, giving me a flirty look. “No, but I have some loose change and there’s a vending machine down the hall. I bet I can scrounge up some potato chips for you.”
“Okay, but only because I’m high and I could actually go for some chips.”
Lifting the bag, she says, “It’s a little heavy. I’m going to say … some sort of fancy schmancy bath oils in jars made from real crystal. Oh! And the bath oils are definitely vegan, likely edible, and probably have saffron or something in them that make them cost a thousand dollars an ounce.”
“That is an extremely specific guess.”
She gives me a shrug. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty good at this.”
“You’re ‘o’ for one so far.”
“But I’m due…” she says, causing me to laugh some more. “For all the loose change in my purse. What’s your guess?”
“It’s an iPad.”
“Based on what?”
“The apple on the side of the bag.”
She tilts her head down a little to examine the bag, then reads the gift tag. “Wishing you a full and speedy recovery, the gang at Apple.” Reaching her hand in, she pulls out the box, which, indeed, indicates it’s an iPad. She holds it up. “Did you go through these bags when I was in the hall?”
Placing my right hand on my chest, I say, “I swear on my dog, I did no such thing.”
Giving me a skeptical look, she says, “All right. I’ll believe you, but if you get this next one, all bets are off.”
We spend the next half hour playing this game until all the gifts have been unwrapped. By the time we’re done, I have three luxury travel shaving and toiletry kits, four sets of men’s pajamas, six plush robes (all with slippers), fifteen eye masks, three baskets of food (including meat, cheese, nuts, dates, crackers, and wine), a back scratcher, enough soothing balms and moisturizing creams to start my own store, seven calming sound machines, and three more iPads.
Allie, who is now sitting on the foot of my bed, stares down at it all. “Wow. That’s … a lot of stuff.”
“It’s crazy, right?”
“Totally. I can’t believe there isn’t one measly box of chocolates.”
“Yeah, most people who know me know I’m not a sweets guy.”
“About that—while we’re here we should probably talk to a doctor. It’s just not normal.”
Chuckling, I say, “Don’t worry. My mom had all the proper tests run when I was a kid. Turns out I can live a healthy and mostly normal life without them.”
“But what’s the point?” she asks, scrunching up her face as though she’s confused.
We both laugh, and I find myself staring at her a moment too long. There’s a shift in the energy in the room and her smile fades. After a second, she glances away, and I realize I’m going to mess this whole thing up because I like her. I mean, I really like her. And there’s no way a genius is going to end up with a guy like me. I clear my throat and say, “Anyway, whatever you want, it’s all yours.”
“Even an iPad?”
“Definitely an iPad.”
“I was just kidding. I can’t take your stuff.”
“Seriously, Allie, what am I going to do with seven sound machines?”
“Make every room in your house sound like ocean waves.”
“I just open the windows for that.”
“Oh, that make sense.”
I’m suddenly embarrassed by what I just said. “Was that a flex?”
