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We all eat quietly, listening to the sounds of the jungle—the cicadas chirping, the birds singing even though it’s been dark for a long time now, and the buzzing of insects. After a few minutes, Rohan says, “I know some of you won’t be comfortable with the sharing fire, but it really means a lot to Dr. Napper, so, someone needs to go first.”
It sure as hell won’t be me. I’m not even going to be offering any sympathy whatsoever because that might give them false hope. I’m just going to sit here and eat my stew.
“I’ll go,” Niles says. “The thing that hurt me the most was constant rejection when I was growing up. You can probably tell by looking at me that I’m not exactly the most athletic guy and I don’t have buckets of confidence. School was hell for me. Pure hell. I was the perfect target for every bully, including my older brothers and my father, all of whom are now big, burly cops. I’m built more like my mom—small frame, shapely hips. It used to bother me, but I’ve gotten over it. I think the defining moment for me was when I asked my mom to let me try out for the boxing team. I was twelve and I thought that if I ate enough spinach and meat and started doing crunches, I’d magically become built like my brothers. I made a big deal about it at home, trying to make sure I was doing push-ups, sit-ups, or drinking raw eggs whenever my father was around…”
Oh God, this is so awful, I’d actually welcome a land piranha attack right now.
“…wanted so badly to belong.”
And I want so badly to go home.
“… had to admit I didn’t make the team, he said, ‘Oh, you didn’t think you were actually going to make it, did you? That’s just sad. You need to learn to be more realistic, Niles.’”
Ouch. So, I guess I’m not the only one with a dickhead father.
“Oh, Niles,” Savannah says, getting up from her stool and walking over to him. She tucks him against her like a mother would a small child, cradling him against her curvy body. “You poor, poor thing.”
Smart, smart thing is more like it. He looks happier than a pig in shit right now. After a few minutes of fawning over Niles, she lets him go. “And how does that awful moment still affect you today?”
“Well, after that, I gave up on trying to impress him, which was a good thing actually because there is literally no way that man was ever going to be impressed by me. Clearly, I didn’t take his advice because I certainly didn’t end up in a field that he would consider ‘realistic.’” Niles pauses long enough to glare at Gwen. “But I don’t care what other people think. I’m living my own life. I met my best friend Ryan a week after I got cut from the boxing team. It was in a paranormal investigation chat room, and that was it for me. I just … found my place in this world. I found my people. I worked at a game café and we all used to investigate on weekends and evenings until Dr. Napper gave us the funding to make our passion a full-time gig. This last decade has been the best time of my life. Earning a decent living doing what I love and working with a team of guys who all really get each other, you know? It’s been more than I could have hoped for.”
“You found the camaraderie you were looking for,” Savannah says. “That’s beautiful, Niles.”
“Yes, Niles,” Karen says. “I love how your defining moment caused you to do the opposite of what your father wanted. You became your own person, instead of trying to follow in his footsteps.”
Niles nods. “Thank you. I realized that trying was pointless when it came to him. I was never going to be another carbon copy of him, no matter what I did. So I gave up and I’ve been better off for it ever since.”
Okay, so that is pretty damn impressive, even I have to admit that. “What’s your relationship like with him now?” Wait. Did I just ask that?
He shrugs. “Irrelevant. My mom, who was always in my corner, is the one who matters to me. They got a divorce after all of us kids moved out, so I don’t have to see him in order to see her. He and my brothers all hang out a lot and go drinking together. I meet him for lunch from time to time. And I couldn’t care less. I have nothing in common with those people. I just happened to have been born into the same family.”
“But, you must hate your dad, right?” I ask. Umm, what happened to just sitting here eating my stew and staying out of this?
Shaking his head, Niles says, “No. I still love him. I just … understand his limitations. He was never going to be a good parent to a kid like me, and that’s okay. It’s not his fault. He’s just … weak. And because I know that, I was able to forgive him and move on with my life.”
“Huh,” I say, letting his words sink in.
“That’s so wise, Niles,” Karen tells him. “To just let it go instead of carrying that burden around.”
“Thanks,” Niles says. “But honestly, who in their right mind would spend their life being bitter about some shit that went down when they were a kid?”
Someone like me.
21
Feet to the Fire…
Gwen
This is hell. Pure and simple. So far, Niles, Karen, and Savannah have all taken their turn sharing, and with each word, I feel smaller. Honestly, they’ve all got such sad stories. Niles and his ultra-alpha, toxic masculinity upbringing. Savannah was raised by a single mom who was also a psychic—and not the ‘good kind,’ according to her (whatever that means). She had people in and out of their house at all hours, and honestly, it sounds like pure chaos. No bed times, no meal times, just a free-for-all of fending for yourself and doing whatever you want whenever you want. It was just the two of them, and her mom passed away when Savannah was twenty-one. She’s been on her own trying to figure it out ever since.
Karen was a victim of some serious sexual harassment in her former job as a marketing assistant, and as weird as it sounds, she’s made a pretty damn good argument for how hard it would be to be that beautiful. The expectations on her have been sea-level low. People assume she’s an idiot (an easy one at that), neither of which are true. So when she finally found her place among the strange-but-kind Yeti crew, she finally felt like she found a home.
Now that I’ve heard their stories, I feel so much worse than I already did about trying to make them look bad. The truth is, they’re all really good people and they’re not that different than me. We all had trouble fitting in as teenagers, we’ve all struggled to find acceptance. We all believe in stuff that other people find laughable. Only, I was the one laughing at them. And the truth is there’s really no way to fix it. I can apologize again, but the damage is done.
Rohan, who is sitting next to the urn, turns to me. “Gwen, you and Ty both haven’t shared yet. Who would like to go first?”
I look at Ty who shakes his head. My heart pounds in my chest. “Sure, I’ll go. I think I’d like to answer the question about the worst thing I’ve ever done.”
