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Jase’s chest rose in a heavy breath. “You’re right.”
A stupid burn encased my throat. His agreement was the wrong thing to say. I don’t know why because it should’ve been right and it would be easier. Jase came with a crap load of baggage, but that burn was working its way up. I reached for the door handle. The thing called pride made it too hard to sit in that car and listen to what he had to say. “See you later.”
“Tess!” He reached for me, but I was already out of the Jeep, in the middle of the congested street. “Come on, don’t do this. We need—”
“We don’t need anything. Peace out.” I slammed the door shut and walked away. The heaviness in my chest threatened to move up my throat and, if it did, it would get messy. And ugly. Like watching-The-Notebook kind of ugly.
But I kept walking, hurrying between the lanes. When I heard him call out my name, I ignored it. The god-awful stone in my stomach weighed me down, but I gathered the shredded tatters of my dignity together.
Jase and his kisses and his horseback riding and his everything could go play in traffic. He was always the one walking away. It was now my turn.
Eleven
I cried like a fat, angry baby that night.
Thankfully, Debbie was out with Erik, so there was no witness to my sob fest. What I had said to Jase needed to be said. If we were going to attempt to at least be friends or social with each other, the kissing and all the other stuff had to stop, because while it might feel oh so right when it was happening, it wasn’t when it was all said and done. Yes, he was physically attracted to me. Yes, he cared for me. Yes, I wanted him. Yes, he had a son and a baby mama somewhere out in the world. But whatever he felt for me, it wasn’t enough to overcome any of the misgivings he had or this invisible line he’d drawn between us.
Knowing all this didn’t change the fact that it cut deeply.
And truth be told, I doubted we really could be friends. I was honest enough with myself to admit that I couldn’t separate his kindness from how I felt about him, and I’d always be attaching meanings where there were none. And he acted on his physical attraction at the drop of a hat. Hell, we hadn’t been around each other that much, but the moment we were alone, something happened.
Something would always happen.
That made the hurt worse, because I knew if I just let it all go and rode the wave of hormones, I probably would get a piece of Jase. Eventually. But I wouldn’t get enough and considering how I felt for him now, I didn’t need that kind of hurting.
And it would only confirm what he thought I wanted from him.
My temples throbbed and it wasn’t even nine in the morning when Debbie showed up with Erik right behind her.
“Hey.” Erik plopped down on my bed and stretched out his long legs. “What’s up?”
I stared at him a moment and then looked at Debbie. An apologetic look crossed her face. “Nothing much. Just trying to get some studying done.” I nodded at my bio text. “That’s about it.”
Erik leaned back on his elbows. “It’s Saturday morning and you’re studying?” He laughed, and I pictured myself kicking him off the bed. “Wow. You must not have anything better to do.”
My eyes narrowed.
“Or she is just really dedicated,” said Debbie as she sat on the edge of her bed. She sent me a smile. “It’s biology, right? That class is pretty hard and—”
“Biology 101 isn’t hard.” Erik laughed again as he shook his head. For once, I agreed with him, but I might not have found it hard because, oddly enough, science interested me. “What Deb isn’t telling you is that she failed bio her sophomore year and had to take it twice.”
Her cheeks flushed as she folded her arms. “Thanks, Erik.”
He shrugged. “Good thing you’re hot.” He flashed a grin I bet he found charming, but was really just freaking sleazy. “Because the whole intelligence thing? Well . . .”
I glanced over at her and I’d have to be blind and the most unobservant person in the world to not see the hurt and embarrassment in her expression. Anger rose like a serpent about to strike, and my mouth opened before I could stop myself. “You’re a dick.”
Erik’s head whipped toward me, his eyes widening as Debbie gasped. “What?” he demanded.
Too late to take back those words, and I didn’t want to. “You heard me.” I picked up my textbook and notebook. Standing, I shoved them into my bag. “That was a dickish thing to say. Therefore, you are a dick.”
Debbie was frozen on the bed, her mouth wide open. Two points on her cheeks turned pink. Erik’s mouth worked like he had a truckload of nasty words he wanted to unleash on me but was filtering them out. And I bet that filter had a name.
Cam.
“I’m going to the library.” I smiled sweetly as I slung my backpack over my shoulder and turned to Debbie. “Sorry.”
There was an odd, glassy look to her eyes that caused my stomach to pitch. The satisfaction faded quickly as I stalked out of the room. It wasn’t until I was out in the hallway that I realized what that stare signified.
