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29
Annie
Up at dawn, running in the desert. Returning to the compound to work the heavy bag, hit the weights, shower, be massaged, shower. Breakfast at least once a week something I couldn't stand, like fish, that resulted in a fight.
I lost those fights and still I couldn't resist them. Like a child, I couldn't bear to eat things I hated. And like a teenager, I hated being told what to do.
Working in law enforcement, there's always a hierarchy and obviously only a small number of people who reach the very top, commissioners for entire departments.
But those of us in undercover work are autonomous. There's no way for anyone to even be in touch without putting the operative in danger. We learn to make our own decisions and something like what I was doing with narcotics opened me up to a lot of freedom to make the wild and dangerous kind of decisions.
I was used to doing what I wanted.
It wasn't that I thought I'd made great decisions. After the first two sessions with the crop, it definitely wasn't that I wanted it again.
It was just hard to cast my gaze down, put my head down, say Yes, sir and eat fish.
The rest of the time it was fruit and eggs and some mess of green crap that was probably good for me but tasted like wallpaper.
I would never have expected it, but my life was falling into place. There was never a time in my life that I sought out peace. But I might have found it with Cole.
* * *
"Lower your eyes."
We were back in his playroom. Or dungeon. Or punishment room. I didn't know if it had a name. I only knew that breakfast had been a mess, he'd given me food I couldn't bear to eat, fish that I couldn't take, too much of it, protein shakes with kale, cod liver oil.
He was pushing. I knew that. Every day was a contest. After the workouts, time slowed. My contact with the outside world was limited. There was martial arts training three days a week, but as November progressed toward Thanksgiving, even that wasn't enough.
My father had been released from the hospital and whatever charges were being brought against him, nothing more was going to happen with his case until the new year. That news brought both a bout of intense relief, and the return of utter boredom, because Cole put his foot down.
No more contact with Mark or my family until after Christmas.
Maybe it was being bored that made me refuse the fish.
"I'm not five years old! Breakfast has nothing to do with my recovery! Just let me take the pills and go work out!"
I might have gotten away with that but I added a heartfelt "Fuck!" under my breath and the next thing I knew he had wrapped my hair around his fist and was dragging me to my feet.
I'm tall – five-six – but he's over six feet. When he fisted my hair, it felt like he would tear it out.
"Bend over the table."
I had no choice. My scalp was on fire. Cole's voice was dark fury. Every muscle in his body was pumped from our workout and as he pressed in close behind me, I could feel his erection pressed into the crack of my ass.
The day was coming when I'd have to decide if I would stay and have sex with him, or break the contract and run. If that was my choice, it meant two things. First, finding out whether or not he meant to let me break the contract. Probably the damn thing wasn't legally binding, but Cole owned judges as well as lawyers. He'd find a venue where it held up.
I truly had been sold.
The other thing was, if I ran, this was over.
I was changing. I didn't like all the changes but others left me breathless with the need for strong hands holding me down and an angry man fucking me.
Once the cure took hold, once I wasn't addicted and could move freely in the world again, what would that freedom look like? Would I go back to Seattle, deal with my parents and sisters, spend time watching hockey with my dad? Marry Mark? Would Mark even have the new and improved Annie back?
Standing over me, Cole growled out a command and the cook came fast from the kitchen, clearly terrified something in the breakfast wasn't up to standards. Her relief in seeing me bent over the long, twelve person table with my head cranked back was so obvious I wanted to hurt her for it at the same time I understood why Cole's staff worked so very hard for him. Clearly it was more than just good wages from a billionaire who kept his staff living in and far from civilization.
For the first time I wondered if they'd all come here as addicts of some kind, looking for change, and never managed to leave. The idea scared me and again I started wondering about the future.
