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“I’m getting married,” I blurted.
Her body wobbled slightly, causing her to grip the island. If this wasn’t a serious situation, I would have laughed. No matter how old I got and how much I matured, I was goofy as hell… the one you couldn’t sit next to at a funeral.
“Mama.”
“You’re what? To who? Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this? Is she pregnant?”
“Sit down, and I’ll tell you everything.”
She did, and I did. The more I talked, the harder her expression became. Even without her saying a word, Mama didn’t like what I’d agreed to. When I made the decision, I didn’t take into consideration how she’d feel about it. I didn’t want her to be upset with me, but it really didn’t matter. I had to do what I had to do to help Pops and keep the board from going against us. We needed this money to continue to flow. How we were advancing, my great-great grandkids would be set if I could operate without any distractions for a good three years. Then, I’d retire and never look back.
Sadness covered her face as she pushed the plate in front of her deeper into the island. “Your father has always been a selfish man, but this is just…” Her head shook as she struggled to find the words. “How could you agree to this, baby?”
“It’s not just him I have to do this for. The entire board and organization will be affected by the loss too. Plus, marrying her guarantees my position as boss of all bosses.”
“And that’s what you really want?” Her eyes squinted, and damn looking at me, she peered through me.
With a shrug, I lowered my head briefly. No man could make me fold, but I could never lie or fake the funk with my mama.
“Yeah, it is. It’s been my goal.”
Her hand covered mine, forcing me to look into her eyes again. “Tell me the truth, Bay. You’re holding back from Mama.” I didn’t respond right away, so she continued. “Your father is greedy. All he cares about is money and power. He says what he does is for the business, but it’s for himself. Whatever benefits Tim best, that’s what he does. Divorcing him was the best decision I ever made. I wanted you to come with me so badly, but I knew I wouldn’t win a fight against your father.” She chuckled as her eyes watered. “The day I left, he told me if I tried to take you, he’d kill me.”
“What?” I almost roared, pulling my hand from under hers. “He threatened you?”
“There’s no point in you getting upset about it now. It’s done. But if you ever wondered why I didn’t fight for you to come with me, that’s why. He’d already taken my money and security; I didn’t want him destroying our relationship or trying to kill me too. I knew that if I agreed to you staying with him that we would still be able to talk to each other. But even if he let me live, I didn’t want him poisoning your head against me or trying to keep you from me.”
That shit hurt my heart to hear, and I hated that she’d waited so long to mention it.
“Our marriage was arranged,” she continued, “And I need you to promise me that you’ll treat this young lady right. Treat her with respect, even if you never love her. She didn’t ask for this. Don’t make her suffer because of it.”
“Hol’ up.” My hands lifted as I released a low chuckle. “Your marriage was arranged? By who? Grandpa?”
With a nod, Mama released a hard breath. “Yeah. Back in that day, Tim was selling less drugs. The bulk of his money was coming from him being a loan shark and gambling. Dad owed him a significant amount of money.” Her shoulders sagged as she released a quick bark of laughter. “He couldn’t read, so he didn’t see there was a fifty-percent interest clause on the contract. Of course he couldn’t pay that, so Tim demanded me instead. It was supposed to be a five-year marriage, but I got pregnant with you, and I couldn’t leave you there with him.”
“That’s why you waited until I turned eighteen to file for divorce?”
Her head nodded and eyes blinked rapidly as she fought her tears. “Yes, it is,” she almost whispered.
“Maaa,” I stretched, standing. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before now? Ain’t no way I would’ve let you stay in that marriage just because of me.”
“And that’s why I never told you,” she said, using my hand to sit me back down. “I’d do it a million times over if it meant having you and keeping you safe. There’s nothing I would change about you, even your father. It’s his half of you mixed with mine that has made you who you are, and because of that, I will forever be grateful. I stayed because I wanted to nurture you and give you as much of a shield against your father as I could. I knew you’d have some ways like him but your heart…” She placed her hand on my chest. “Your character, it’s different. I’m grateful to God for that.”
Now that I was aware of their marriage being arranged, it made a lot more sense. I never felt the love between them, and that was why. Though I hated she stayed for as long as she did for me, I was grateful for it. If she hadn’t, ain’t no doubt in my mind that I’d be a bad mothafucka if only my father had raised me. Pops taught me the business and how to be a man; Mama taught me compassion, consideration, empathy… how to treat a woman and be a gentleman.
“Thank you for the sacrifice, and for sharing your truth with me.”
“If you want to thank me, promise that you’re going to treat that young lady like the prize she is. Remember, she’s the reason you all are able to do what needs to be done for business. If you never love her, always treat her with respect. And when you exchange vows, don’t live in a way that will embarrass her.”
Even though I agreed, the thought of Whiskee having a life, a marriage, like my mother’s didn’t sit well with me. If I couldn’t love her, I didn’t want her—not for life. We’d have to get Pops to agree to this marriage lasting for just a few months, no more than a year. I wouldn’t hold her hostage and keep her from being found by a man who could give her the love she truly deserved.
True enough, I could provide her with a damn good life materialistically and financially, but Mama was proof that shit didn’t fill your heart or keep you warm at night. Whiskee deserved better, and I wouldn’t be the man that stood in the way of her having that.
11
Beethoven
I couldn’t resist pulling up on Whiskee after I left Mama’s home. It wasn’t sitting well with me that my texts and calls weren’t going through. As I knocked on the door, I hoped she was there, or at least her best friend. Even if she didn’t want to talk to me, I needed to make sure she was okay.
