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“I’m fine,” she uttered. The words came out and so did the tears again. Pushing herself into an upright position, every muscle ached, each one flaming and cursing the existence of her will. Downing a glass of water on her bedside table, it cleared her throat. Worse for wear, and looking like it, she still considered the path that lay before her. “Where is he?”
The drone didn’t answer. Watson, for once against her wishes, was blissfully, but she reached for the one large enough to carry her, as she did not think her own feet would suffice. “Take me to him, please,” she asked desperately. She knew the possibility of what Quinn faced, and they should face it together.
The drones’ base lights blinked at her and did nothing. All the drones in her room were just hovering and not moving. Frozen. One foot in front of the other, she told herself, rising and using them as handholds to the hallway. Peering out, every step became a slog.
Kira, you shouldn’t be moving. Please, take care of yourself first. He is not physically harmed.
Now you want to speak.
“You, most of all, should know that physicality is only part of who we are.”
As she traversed down towards engineering, the closer she came, the harder the realization hit: the entire swarm was on standby. Only the ones performing the simplest jobs, such as cleaning, continued to move on a pre-set program.
A glint of light caught her eye, and scrambling, something small raced towards her around a power conduit newly installed. Gary crawled up her leg, to her chin, and looked at her quizzically. Then, the gecko pointed itself in the direction it had come from.
“Gary.” Her breathing became labored as she increased the pace in that direction. She clung to a rail to keep herself upright. Kira sat down fully once, in order to rest, but only for a few scant minutes.
Using the shuttle system to pass up and down the floors, she would finally pour out of one, with Gary taking off. Finding Quinn settled in front of the hydroponics bay, rocking back and forth in an upright ball.
“Oh, Quinn.” She felt hollow at seeing him so incapacitated. She dropped to her knees before him. Her hair frazzled around her face. Deathly pale beneath her naturally tanned skin, even her lips appeared so, and her muscles held a slight tremor, but she made it there of her own accord and her own will.
The rocking stopped when she spoke, and he just looked at her. Tears streamed down his face in thick rivulets and he whispered. His voice had no accent, but it was rife with pain and anguish. “I’m just tired of thinking. Tired of people leaving me, betraying me, using me. I’m so tired. I just want to be somewhere else, Kira. Somewhere where there is no one around to hurt me. I am so tired of hurting all the time. If I get to know you, then I might like you, and then I will hurt when I am finally alone. But if I stay, something is going to happen, something always happens, and then I am going to be hurting again. Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? Why did you have to make me like you? I just don’t want to hurt, and every choice I have now is just pain. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
Shifting his weight forward, he put his nose into his knees and his body shuddered as he sobbed.
“Sometimes pain is worth it, Quinn,” she told him with the gentleness that a mother used when speaking to a child. Her actions had been partially selfish in getting to know him. She had wished to save him by helping him through the trauma of his past actions, but at first she’d simply wanted to test limits, to see how far was too far.
“I’m going to touch you now,” she informed him before she leaned forward, the gentle pressure of an embrace that her body wished she’d never done. It cried against it, against moving again, and she fought with all she was worth to do so as she told him her voice full of worry, “I do not have all the answers, but I know that even those I have lost, that I have loved, I would never give up the knowing just to give up the pain as well.”
The man stiffened all over, as if the input overwhelmed his senses. But unlike last time, where it was a shock to a functioning machine, this felt like an emergency break to one spiraling out of control. Quinn sagged into the embrace, continuing to weep for a few moments before he passed out. Exhaustion, physical, mental, and emotional, finally catching up to him like a mallet in his skull.
Unlike his decision to leave her, she did not leave him.
“Watson, get one of the storage movers up here, please.”
The reply she received came as a clicking of the line. The automated movers had long handles that could be used to manually direct them or they could be programmed to make automatic routes in the ship. One came through the hall after ten minutes, at her request. The base hadn’t magically grown in size from her ankle debacle, but it would do. Kira grasped Quinn’s shoulders, using his jacket to tug him back. It reminded her of having to use the same device, leaving med bay what seemed like a lifetime ago.
Sweat coated the nape of her neck by the time he hung halfway off the platform. His calves and feet scraping the floor. Using the handle like a walker, they made it to the med-bay. It being the closest room with anything resembling a bed. Raising up the transporter, she shoved Quinn off onto the wide cot, huffing and panting.
Satisfied, she sat on the edge. The width barely made it a twin bed, certainly not suitable for two grown adults, but she couldn’t force herself to move further. Laying not quite next to him, but close so she could watch over him, she succumbed to her own exhaustion halfway on the frame and halfway on the cushion.
Reaching out, settling her hand over his, for just a second before she fell asleep, she watched a man who’d been written off as nothing but an asset who was now realizing just what it meant to be human.
Neither were in a great hurry to wake. Quinn sleep deprived, Kira drugged still. Gabby and Gary were the ones that decided that the quiet was insufferable. After some time, they peeked out and chased each other, darting over their owners as they slumbered.
Kira felt it first when Gabby dove under her chin, hiding in her hair. Groaning, she removed the animated gecko in a way kinder than she felt like being. Eyes still shut tight against the dim lighting, the events of the night before flooded her. Quinn’s weight pressed against her, reminding Kira of his reaction the last time she’d tried to touch him. Holding her breath as if it would keep her from making further movements, Gary leaped off of Quinn, smacking her square in the cheek.
That breath released as she put her feet off the edge and rose upward. Quinn stirred onto his side, but did not seem to wake. Frowning at the gecko, Kira gave him a ‘I could murder you look’ before it settled back on the cot. Gabby followed.
“Watch after him for a moment for me, please.” Whispering, she tugged the blanket up over his shoulders. Then, padding on more steady bare feet, she went to get breakfast for both of them.
Quinn sat upright by the time she made it back. The two geckos clambered into his lap and curled up around each other, slumbering peacefully. He didn’t look up or say anything, just stared down at the little creatures he’d made.
Bringing a light breakfast, mainly fruit and croissants. Kira sat across from him, giving him space, placing the tray down between them.
“We should eat.”
Neither reached for the food.
