‘No, sir, I wasn’t,’ I said primly and plonked the basket on the table. ‘Perhaps you should talk with Mr Donne about things like that and not make jokes with me.’
Sebastian stopped smiling and peered at me more closely. ‘Are you feeling quite well today, Mercy? You look slightly peaky. Has Jasper said something to upset you? By Jove, I’ll give him what for if he has!’
His kindness, as always, touched me. I was still so hurt by the events of last night that, to my embarrassment, a single tear overflowed and ran down my cheek. Sebastian was up like a shot.
‘He has said something, that imbecile!’ He put his arm around me and shepherded me over to the chair opposite. ‘Now tell me, Mercy, what has my idiotic friend done? Was it something to do with that letter I gave you?’
I didn’t know what to say. The idea of telling anyone seemed such a relief, but I couldn’t bear Sebastian to know Jasper was toying with my affections and feel pity for me. So I nodded and briefly told him that Jasper had asked me to serve him and Arabella supper last night and that she had been none too polite to me.
‘Ahh, I see,’ said Sebastian. ‘Yes, Arabella is beautiful, but deadly. She’s Lord Bradnor’s niece. He has an estate and grounds quite near here, and she visits him on occasion from London. She and Jasper became acquainted last spring, when Lord Bradnor invited us over to dine. They have since formed, shall we say, an interesting relationship. Personally, I can’t see how he can stand her.’
‘But she’s so beautiful, sir. How could he not stand her?’ I blurted.
Sebastian looked at me thoughtfully, as if grasping some of my dilemma. ‘She is nice to look at on the outside, but her character has some serious flaws that mar her truly being a beautiful person.’
‘But how can a person with ... with outside flaws ever be seen as beautiful? How could anyone ever look past that when the flaws are so ...’ My voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Grotesque.’ Sebastian squeezed my hand.
‘I feel for you, child, I do. You’ve been given a heavy cross to bear, but bear it you must. You have strength and courage, and these will see you through. God knows your heart.’
At that, I buried my face in my hands and could not stifle my sobs. ‘But, sir, what if no one ever sees me for who I am? What if I’m never loved but only despised?’
Sebastian grasped my shoulder tightly. ‘Then you go on searching until you find someone who will love you and not despise you. There will be someone, I promise you. Unrequited love is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Come now, dry your tears. That’s the way. I have something that may be of use to you. Another book on Venice. Perhaps it will help you to read about a society that knows each other by who they are and not by seeing each other’s faces, for they wear masks for some months of the year at the Carnevale.’
‘Sir, I would like to live there if it meant people knowing me without seeing my face.’ I said this so solemnly that Sebastian chuckled.
‘I’m sure you would, and myself also, but for other reasons of anonymity.’
He disappeared into his study and came out a few moments later. ‘Here take this.’ He handed me a slim green novel entitled The Most Serene City of Masks. ‘And I’ll ask Jasper to take care regarding who he invites for supper in future if he wants to stay here.’
‘Oh, sir, no ...’
‘I’ll be discreet, don’t worry, and you can be at ease. Jasper has enough to worry about without terrorising young maids.’
I wondered if he was referring to Jasper having to deal with being an orphan, but he didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t ask. I could only hope that he was right and that Jasper wouldn’t carry on terrorising young maids.
***
I spent the morning downstairs busy with chores; and in the afternoon, as it was washing day tomorrow, I had to go upstairs to strip and remake the beds with fresh linen. I was hesitant to venture anywhere near Jasper’s room after last night’s performance, but I had no choice.
After I had completed my room and Sebastian’s, I took a deep breath and pushed open Jasper’s door. The room was even messier than it was the previous time. The bedclothes were mangled, as if a wrestling match had taken place. I sighed and started to strip the bed. Much to my dismay, in the midst of the bedclothes, I found a jewelled hairpin, a lace ribbon, and a silk stocking.
Shuddering, I threw them on the floor. Jasper could return them to their rightful owner himself. I was just tucking in the top coverlet when footsteps came up the stairs. Jasper, dressed in a black riding habit and carrying a whip, appeared in the doorway. He looked particularly striking this morning, and my heart skipped several beats. When he saw me making the bed, a slow smirk spread over his handsome face.
‘Good, Mercy, you’ve righted the wrongs of my bedroom. Of course you can’t erase the memory of them, but time heals all wounds.’
‘Does it, sir?’ I said, not looking up from plumping the pillows. ‘I would’ve thought some wounds can never be healed.’
There was silence from the doorway. What was wrong with me? Why could I not hold my tongue lately? But Jasper didn’t scold me for impertinence. He came in, sat down in the easy chair, and flicked his whip idly.
‘Indeed, Mercy, indeed.’ Part of me could hardly believe we were actually having a cordial conversation. I’m afraid to say this rare courteousness from him made me bold, and the knowledge that I had about his past grew thick in my head. I wanted to somehow let him know that I knew, that I understood his pain, that he and I had both been scarred by the pox.
I gestured to the items I had thrown on the floor. ‘Sir, I wasn’t sure what to do with these. I-I’m guessing they are Miss Arabella’s?’
Jasper yawned, showing off a perfect set of snowy-white teeth.
‘Yes, they are. How very observant of you.’
I stepped closer to him. ‘Sir, if I may say so, Miss is very beautiful. You ... you make a fine couple.’ Jasper stared at me for a moment, then barked with laughter.