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Yes. Obviously. If he hadn’t, we’d be having an entirely different discussion.
Then it’s fine.
It’s not fine! What if he dies and no one but me is there and I don’t find his corpse for a week?
What then?
Because if I’m responsible for finding his rotting body, I will not be okay.
Do you hear me?
Have you ever watched one of those forensic shows on tv? Do you know what happens to a dead body if it’s left undisturbed?
At some point, it explodes.
Or maybe that’s only if it gets too hot.
My point is, I will not be OK if I have to find his body exploded all over the interior of the house.
I
Will
Not
Be
Okay
Are you even listening to me anymore?
Yes. I’m still here. I was just checking on something.
I discussed it with Ian.
He will text you back at least every third day. And if there are two or more meals that he has not eaten when you return for the dishes, you have permission to call 911.
You do not have to go search for his body yourself.
Great. That is such a relief. Knowing that he could die in that house, and I won’t have to be the one to find the body. Thank you.
You’re welcome.
I was being sarcastic.
Yes. I got that.
Do you have any other requests?
You know, while he is freshly traumatized by the image of you discovering his bloated corpse. Might be the right time to ask.
As a matter of fact, yes. If you could get me a list of his preferences, that would be great. Right now, I’m flying blind. I have zero clue what he likes or doesn’t, and it's making me insane.
He hasn’t given you any feedback about what he likes?
No. The times I’ve texted him about it. All he says is it’s fine.
I’ll handle it
