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Texts between Martin and Ian
You absolute ass
What?
You heard me.
I meant: yes. I’m an ass. We all know that. What do you want?
She’s been working for you for nearly a month now and you haven’t even introduced yourself?
You said, and I quote, “you’ll never see her or even know she was there.”
I thought you would at least introduce yourself.
I did. Via text.
And you’ve complimented none of her cooking?
I pay her so that I don’t have to compliment her.
Like I said, absolute ass
Like I said, obviously.
What’s your point?
Clearly you think her food is amazing. So you should at least tell her that.
I didn’t say her food was amazing.
Exactly. That’s my point. You haven’t said it. Not to her. Not to me. But I know you love her cooking.
You wanna know how I know? Because the second day she was cooking for you, I asked how it was and you told me to fuck off.
Your point?
I am your closest friend. Maybe your only friend. And the only time you tell me to fuck off is when you’re pissed off because I’m right and you’re wrong.
That’s not true.
Why are you having such a hard time admitting that hiring her was a good idea?
Fuck off.
Just grow a pair and tell her which of the meals you’ve liked. Because right now you’re making her job harder.
If I do that, will you finally fuck off?
Yes
Fine
Texts between Ian and Savannah
All the smoothies are equally good, but could be a little sweeter.
The paninis are great, particularly the one with that spinach spread.
