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But he doesn’t.
“Let’s head in there and get seats. Petunia brought over some caramel popcorn that looks like it’s been in their emergency storm stash since the nineties.”
I smile at his joke, softening at his obvious attempt to lighten the mood.
“After the movie, we’ll encourage everyone to get some rest. Then we can be alone. Okay?”
I nod.
“You head in there. I’m going to grab some drinks and be there in a few.”
I nod again and turn to walk into the living room. Everyone has brought blankets and pillows, creating a nest on the living room floor. It really does feel like a slumber party.
I raise my eyebrows at Sally as she beckons me over to where she and Paul have curled up with their backs to the sofa. I shake my head and put my hand on my lower belly, as if getting my period is an excuse for not joining them. She returns a sympathetic glance and smiles at me when I settle myself into a large cushy chair that is miraculously still free.
Ben has pulled the drapes over the windows, creating a dim atmosphere even though the sun has barely set. I catch him out of the corner of my eye, settling on one of the high-backed chairs at the bar adjacent to the kitchen. He’s behind me, but far enough to the side that I can see him.
I spend the whole movie, which I’ve seen so many times I have it memorized, watching him. He laughs, and grimaces, and shakes his head, and rolls his eyes. He’s so expressive, especially when he thinks no one is watching. He’s so much more than the suit-wearing corporate defense attorney that he plays in real life. He’s everything. He’s perfect.
And he wants to be mine.
I’m grateful for the darkness now as the tears that have been threatening for hours finally start to fall. I’m completely and utterly wrecked over this. It’s going to end horribly and it’s all my fault. I was the one who lied and is continuing to lie every second of every day with this man. I am the one who sat by and let the guy fall for me, knowing full well what was going on. Knowing that it could never be real.
I’ve been telling myself it didn't matter. That the guy would never actually want me. And that still could be the truth. I mean, sure he wants me now, on this island, but he said himself that I’m nothing like the women he knows back in the city.
“Do you see any of those women here now?”
A fresh wave of tears run silently down my face as I remember that conversation. It was the one that gave me the first indication that there might be something here besides just sex. It was also when he let me know he disapproved of all my life choices.
So there’s that.
And maybe that’s the crux of the problem. We’re too different. I’m a college dropout, exercise instructor, and a liar. Ben is a rich lawyer, father, and the most eligible bachelor in all of New York. What the hell would he want with me?
The thought is supposed to make me feel better, but it only makes the tears worse.
I cry through most of the movie, managing to get my act together toward the end so my face will have a chance to de-puff before the lights come on.
I wish I could have enjoyed it with everyone. The classic film was billed as horror when it came out, but these days it’s considered a comedy by many people. There was laughter and shrieks from the whole room in all the right parts. In different circumstances, this could have been a lot of fun.
As the credits roll and lamps start to click on, most people gather up their blankets and pillows and head off to their various sleeping spots. It might be barely after eight, but people are exhausted from the ordeal of the day. I know I am.
I wait until most everyone is gone, Sally and Paul sneaking off together, both of them tossing me a knowing smile and a wink, but for very different reasons.
Finally, when there are only a few stragglers, I gather myself up and slip up the stairs. I’m just finished changing when I hear the thud and click of the heavy door at the top of the stairs closing and the lock sliding into place.
My heart aches anew for the fun kidnapping games we could play with a door like that, but alas. It’s not going to happen. If I try to drag this thing between us out longer just so I can have another round of scary sex, it will only sink the dagger into the heart of my self-respect. What I have left of it, anyway.
Ben comes straight to my room and leans in the doorway. “That was quite a day, huh?”
I nod from where I sit on my bed. Hell, it probably is Ainsley’s bed. The thought hadn’t occurred to me until Paul said something, but it made sense that Ben would give the room closest to his own to his son. Ainsley must have been just a kid when they built this house.
I close my eyes as fresh tears threaten. I don’t open them when I feel Ben sit down beside me.
“You must be exhausted.” He pulls my body to his for the first time since this whole nightmare started, and I can’t stand the wave of relief it brings. It feels so good, so right. But it’s all wrong.
I try to pull away, but he keeps me there. “We’re going to get it all figured out, okay? Between the four of us guys, we can rebuild the island, and that’s what we’re going to do. It’s going to take time, but there’s nothing to worry about. Everyone will be taken care of. All the houses will get fixed.”
Bless his heart, he thinks I’m upset about the flood. I mean, I am, but some soggy clothes and a ruined apartment pale in comparison to the real monster I’m facing.
