AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His tone turns harsh on the last two words and my forehead wrinkles in question. There is clearly something there, but I’m not sure if it’s my place to ask. I mean, I know for damn sure it’s not my place to ask, but will he think it’s strange that I don’t?
I finally decide to let it go, rolling back in the sand until I’m flat on my back. While that conversation took an interesting turn, I won’t say I didn’t learn a few things. A bit of Ben’s history, and a glimpse into the life he and Ainsley had together.
It’s nearly too much.
I know I have to keep it together in order to keep my facade up for Ben, but it’s all I can do not to fall into a puddle of my own regrets. Ainsley probably would have grown out of this phase of his, whatever it is, and been the perfect guy to settle down with. If only I could have figured out a way to stick with him. Or, more accurately, gotten him to stick with me. Gotten him to decide that I was the one he wanted, instead of just some girl he hung out with for a while.
Ugh. Even the thought of him right now makes me want to hurl. What a fucking douche.
I roll to my side and consider the man in front of me. His eyes are closed, arm still covering the top half of his face. It does nothing to obscure his good looks, however. The man is a freaking smokeshow. Chiseled just how I like, tan, and clean shaven. His chest is covered with a fine layer of dark hair that I’m dying to run my hands through again.
Maybe I don’t regret his loser of a son.
Maybe the real regret in this situation is the fact that I’m walking a tightrope over a steaming pit of lies and deception and it’s only a matter of time before I fall in.
Because if there’s one thing I know for sure—Mr. I Need to Be in Control of Everything in Life over here isn’t going to go for an affair with his son’s ex.
So, what am I doing?
Am I really going to push this along as far as I can, even with the inevitable end already in sight?
I mean, obviously, yes.
The sigh I let out as I flop onto my back must be loud, because Ben rolls to face me. “You okay?” he asks.
“Oh, yeah. For sure.” I try to keep my voice calm and level, but I probably fail.
He lets out a sigh of his own. “You know, I never should have brought up those other women like that. It seemed like an innocuous thing to discuss at the time, but I can see now how insensitive it was to talk about having sex with other women when I’m here with you.”
Um—not what I was expecting him to say, but okay.
“Oh, it’s okay. I mean, I asked about the clubs.”
“Yes, but there were ways I could have answered without making it seem like I just use professional women as a regular hobby. I’m sure you interpreted that to mean that I think that way of you, and I need you to know that I don’t.”
Um…
Before I can speak—not that I had anything intelligent to say—he pulls me over so I’m curled against his body like the small spoon.
“When I told you that I used those clubs for pleasure and control, I hope you know that I meant that in the past tense.”
Okay, what the actual fuck is going on right now? Maybe I hit my head when we fell and am hallucinating this?
I turn in his arms until I can see his face. His hair is mussed, and sand is sticking to his sweaty parts. I have to smile at his dishevelment—it’s not something I’ve seen before.
“What do you mean?”
His eyes narrow slightly, and I can almost see his mind churning, coming up with the perfect thing to say. “I just mean that whatever this is between us, it’s not like anything I’ve ever had before.” His tone is controlled, as if the machine of his mind is feeding him each word one at a time. “I usually strive for control in all areas of my life. And, while I definitely want to control you and dominate you, it’s different. It makes me nervous, but also very interested. I should be backing away from this, but I’m not. Quite the opposite. I kind of want to see where this goes.”
He’s silent for a long moment, probably waiting for my eloquent speech, but it’s not forthcoming.
Finally, his own brow crinkles. “I mean, if you want to.”
And I do, certainly. I want this. I want him. I want everything.
But I can’t have it.
And prolonging this will only break my heart even more when it all finally comes crashing down.
