AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Ben’s hands drop from his face, and he finally looks at me, mouth hanging open. “You…he…?” he shakes his head and drops it into both hands, propped on the table by his elbows. “I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.”
I laugh at that, leaning back in the booth and shaking my head. “You are not. You’re fine.”
“I’m pretty sure this is what a nervous breakdown feels like.”
I cross my own arms over my chest and wait. Finally, Ben seems to catch his breath and looks up at me. He’s looking frazzled and clearly exhausted, but he’s staring at me with those eyes that I remember from Merit. The ones that aren’t so concerned with the world around him. The ones that are free.
“Ainsley knew you were here the whole time?”
“It’s only been a couple of weeks, but yeah.”
“Why? I thought he was pissed about this whole thing. I haven’t brought it up a single time.”
“He’s not pissed. He wants to help. He knows we’re good for each other.”
Ben groans at my words, but I press on.
“He showed me the texts you sent him over the last year when he was traveling. I saw how they changed once we got together. Being with me changed you. He thinks it was for the better and I agree. You were happy. Even if it’s hard to remember that now with all the bullshit that went on, it’s true. You felt it, too.”
“He showed you my texts? You two have been talking about me? Jesus, I don’t know how to feel about all of this.”
“You can feel good about it. We both love you and want what’s best for you.” There. I said it.
Ben’s mouth drops open, and he snaps it closed. “You what?”
“I love you.”
He rests his head back into his hands without responding. It’s not like I was expecting him to say it back, but I was expecting him to say something.
When he finally does, I kinda wish he hadn’t. “How can you just say something like that with all that’s gone on?”
He’s looking at me though his fingers, so I shrug. “I’m in my truth telling era.”
His head sinks back down into his hands. I can see his eyes close as his chest rises and falls slowly with each breath. Finally, he lifts his face to look at me, rubbing both hands down his cheeks and up through his now messy hair.
He sighs and shakes his head. “I’ve been grocery shopping.”
I close my eyes and whisper, “Ben.”
When I look at him again, he shakes his head. “I can’t even remember the last time I went to the grocery store. Like, actually went there myself and picked things out.”
I wait in silence, afraid to even take a loud breath and interrupt whatever Ben is about to say. The air feels heavy, ripe with something. Whatever it is, I want it.
“I’m different. I can feel it in all sorts of ways. The grocery store is one of the more obvious ones, but it’s everywhere. I’ve been leaving the office on time every day. Somedays I just go for a walk in the woods on my property before dinner. I put on music in the house while I cook. I’ve been watching movies.”
“Scary ones?” I whisper.
Ben catches my eye and I see the tiniest smile tip the corners of his mouth. He nods.
Well, shit. The first tear rolls down my cheek before I realize it escaped. I hurry to brush it away but it’s no use. Ben saw it.
His smile grows a bit, but it’s sadder this time. “I know it’s you. You broke something open in me, Vic. I still have my shell, but there are cracks and little parts of the old me are escaping. The weight of the world on my shoulders is lifting. It’s scary to let this stuff out, but I don’t think I could hold it in now if I tried. Now that I remember what it feels like to be happy. To laugh and feel free. I feel like such a fool for living this way for all these years. It’s no wonder I drove my son away.”
His head slips back into his hands, and I reach over, braving a touch for the first time since seeing him again. My fingers curl around his and slowly pull his hands down to the table, away from his face. His head still hangs but he tips it up just enough to catch my eye.
“You didn’t drive anyone away, Ben. Ainsley is right here in New York, going to school.”
He nods, looking down at where our hands are still touching on the table in front of him. “I don’t know how to do this, Victoria.”
