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I cock my head to the side. “I’m not sure that’s true. The waitress seemed to have the tea on all the partners over there.”
Ben lifts his brows in surprise. “What did she tell you about me?”
“That your bark is worse than your bite.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I guess I should watch out. I wouldn’t want her telling that to just anyone.”
We fall into silence after that, neither of us sure how to move forward. I expect Ben to speak first, but he doesn’t. Finally, I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer.
“Your name is Bentley?”
His head cocks to one side as he processes my words. “Yes,” he says, but it sounds like a question.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Oh.”
“I just figured it was Benjamin. What kind of name is Bentley? That’s a car.”
“It’s a family name. I’ve always gone by Ben.”
“You gave me your own name as a safeword?”
It’s a sudden way of bringing our past relationship into the conversation, but I’m tired of waiting. Good or bad, I want to have this out with him right now.
“Yes.”
It seems like he’s going to stop there, and my own eyebrows go up in impatience. Ben’s eyes go up and to the right, not quite an eye roll, but at the very least an acknowledgement of my annoyance at his unsatisfactory answer.
“I…” he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rush. “I was concerned from the beginning about how my position would affect your decision-making abilities. You seemed to want things to be secret, and I was never sure exactly what that was about. I know now, of course, but back then, I worried that you were concerned for your job or your reputation at the resort. But I couldn’t stay away from you. You affected me in ways no one ever has before. I worried that I was going to act out of character in some way that would make you uncomfortable in your workplace and you wouldn’t feel like you could tell me. It’s a balancing act to be the one holding the most power in a relationship. I had to be sure you had a way to release yourself from situations in public places if you needed to. In BDSM, safewords are used for that very reason. I figured if yours was my full name, a name you didn’t normally use, then you could call it in public if you needed me to back off. You calling out Bentley casually in a conversation wouldn’t seem odd to most people. It would be more appropriate than you calling me Ben, honestly. Bentley Adams is the name on the firm’s website. On my Wikipedia page. When employees who I’m not personally acquainted with call me by my first name, they often say Bentley.”
“I forgot to google you.”
Ben smiles again, but it turns sad as he shakes his head. “And thus my perfect plan for protecting you was foiled. I thought you knew.”
I can’t think of anything to say, so I take a sip of my coffee and don’t meet his eye.
“But I guess in the end, it didn’t matter, did it? You weren’t concerned about your job. You were worried that if people saw us together, they would tell me about your history with my son.”
It takes all my strength, but I look at him. I can’t shy away from this if I want to have any chance of moving forward with this man. I have to own my mistakes. “It was totally and completely fucked up of me to lie to you about Ainsley.”
Ben’s mouth quirks to the side as if I surprised him with that.
I hurry to go on. “I knew it was fucked up when I was doing it, and I knew it was going to end badly, but I never could have prepared myself for how hard I was going to fall for you. And falling so hard and knowing that you would never have me if you knew the truth, well, it drove me to some bad decisions. I regret hurting you with my behavior. But I do not regret a second of the time I got to spend with you. I’d do it again.”
Ben looks at me for a long time, his face unreadable. I nearly buckle under the pressure, but I'm rewarded for my patience.
“I would, too.”
The sky parts and the holy rays of sun shine down on me. “Give me another chance.”
The pensive look twists into anger at my words. “How am I supposed to do that, Victoria?” He shakes his head and drags a hand down his face. “What would I even tell people?” He shakes his head again, not looking back at me.
“You tell them the truth. Who cares what people think? Or you tell them nothing. No one here knows me.”
“Ainsley does.”
“Yeah, and who do you think helped me move here? Found me an apartment, picked out this ridiculous suit?”
