AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“We had a moment. Like an Earth-shattering moment. A moment that changes everything.”
“And you’re just telling me this now!”
“She saw me with Lauren and she thought she saw something else.”
“Like what?”
“Enjoying her company too much, apparently.” She sighed, rubbing her temples as she squeezed her eyes closed. Keegan shifted her weight onto one hip and pulled her lips into a sympathetic smile. “She asked me out earlier, but we already had this planned.” She groaned, “I fucked up, Keegan. See,” she unknowingly shouted, “this is why I can’t get close to people! This is why I belong by myself!”
Keegan pulled her overwhelmed being into a hug. “You deserve whatever your heart is telling you to go after,” she breathed into her gold strung hair.
“I can’t do this right now.” Julia let go. “It’s too much. Everything is too much. Life is too much and I feel like my heart is beating a million miles a minute and might actually just burst from my chest.”
Keegan just held her, squeezing her tight as the heaving of her body slowed just slightly.
“If you told me about Erin, I wouldn’t have forced you to do this.”
“What?”
“I can tell, Julia. She’s not just someone to you.” She hesitated, pulling away from their embrace and looking into her eyes. “If you told me you finally realized that, that you were finally ready to take that step forward, I wouldn’t have made you come tonight.”
But if she wasn’t just someone, what did that make her? What could possibly be between two adults who live in separate states, who have different goals, who are at different stages of their lives?
“I can’t do this right now. I just have so much… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And she did what she always did when the pressure became too much–she disappeared.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Even with the hour she crawled into bed, she didn’t sleep. Her head spun. Her chest ached, and she couldn’t get rid of the sickening feeling twisting in her stomach. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink anything that wouldn’t threaten to come back up.
She called Keegan that morning on her way to the doctor’s office. She at least had to explain her absence for the day.
“Hey there.” Julia tried to sound upbeat as possible, as normal as possible despite what occurred just hours earlier. “I’ve had some things come up and I’m going to be out today. I’ve already let the other admins know, so they’ll be filling in as needed.”
“Wow! Julia Jenner using personal time?” She laughed, and that sound warmed Julia’s heart. “What’s your big plans?”
“Just some appointments that came up.” She tried to stick as close to the truth as possible. She never was a good liar. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Will do, boss.” Then she paused, the call not ending yet. “Is this about last night?”
“No,” Julia answered honestly. “It has nothing to do with that. I promise.”
Keegan was quiet for a moment on the other side.
“Have a good day off!”
Julia clicked the off button on her Bluetooth. The only noise left was the sound of the tires on pavement–the thudding of rubber and weeks old salt being kicked up, beating beneath the car.
When she pulled into the small family practice, she couldn’t bring herself to get out of the car. She couldn’t turn it off. Her foot was placed firmly on the brake as her hand hovered over the shifter still in the drive position.
She could just leave. She could pretend she never found that little bump and go home. She could call Erin. They could have their stupid little fling and allow herself to get swept up in another’s loving embrace. She could finally let her body release every pent-up mistake with the weight of Erin’s on top of her. Then she’d be able to truly let go.
She could allow herself those moments of fleeting happiness. Blissfully ignorant. Isn’t it funny that after so many years of seeking out all the information she could, now she wished she could claim ignorance?
Just when she thought that was the decision she had made–her eyes on the rearview mirror as he gripped the gear stick–Dr. Rosel opened the door of the office before her. She wore a long white medical coat, a wide smile across carnation lips. She waved her in, those frail arms beckoning in the wind, too aware Julia had sat in that running car for far too long.
“Good morning,” Julia said as she smiled and exited her car.
