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“I can too!” Erin retorted, a subtle slur beneath her words. “I’m just not trying.”
“I’m not putting you in a stranger’s car in this state,” Julia said more sternly.
The giggles slowly dissipated from Erin’s lips. She just looked at Julia, her eyes trailing to where that soft hand still pressed against her cheek.
“Don’t be silly,” Julia said, lowering her hand in one swift movement.
She helped Erin up with a firm hand around her waist. She could’ve sworn she heard her breath halt at the touch, a sharp intake of air expanding her lungs.
“You can stay here in the guest room.”
Just as the words left her mouth, she realized how big of a mistake they were. Erin couldn’t stay there with her. Not while they were both wrapped in the giddiness of their inhibited state. She couldn’t trust herself not to avoid saying something stupid or embarrassing, or worse.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” And there were those words that left her mouth before conversing with the level-headed thoughts in her mind.
Julia stood with an outreached hand and Erin took it for support, bracing her weight on wobbly knees. She guided her inebriated legs to the hallway, their fingers still tangled together. Julia opened the door to the guest room and turned on the light above. It was obnoxiously bright compared to the firelight in the living room.
“Make yourself at home. I’ll get you something to change into,” Julia said quietly. “You already know where the bathroom is. There’s a clean towel hanging up in case you want to shower in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Erin said, her fingers finally falling from Julia’s embrace.
Julia walked to her room and grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants. She took a new toothbrush from the drawer in her vanity. As she looked up at herself in the mirror, she stopped and took in the sight.
Her cheeks were flushed from the wine, her hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. It wasn’t even in a bun–the weight of it oddly heavy to her heightened senses–and for once, it didn’t seem to weigh her down.
Even in her disarray, she noticed something different. Past the smudged mascara, past the small blemishes worn foundation no longer covered, there was something else. She was smiling. As she held the clothes in one hand and a toothbrush in the other, she looked like a teenager off to a slumber party. She looked happy. Is this what happy looks like?
After everything that happened that day, Marin’s piercing eyes and trembling voice, she should be tucked into a ball. She should be sunken into the satin bed sheets, a wet ring of tears haloing her pillow. She should be breaking, like she had so many times before, but she wasn’t.
Down the hallway, the door to the guest room was open, but Erin was nowhere to be found. The house was quiet despite the light melody of music carried through the kitchen. She left the clothes and toothbrush on the edge of the bed.
She walked back to her own room and closed the door. Leaning her head against the cold grain of the wood, she took a deep breath. She tried not to think of the day she just had, tried to push everything else down except the knowledge that someone who held such comfort was beyond just a few walls.
With the cold sweats, drenching her in sweat from the inside out, Julia didn’t usually wear much to bed. Tonight, however, that wasn’t an option–not with her playing it safe. Throwing on a pair of sweats that were far too big, she tried to find normalcy in her routines. She couldn’t let her thoughts wander to the beautiful woman just down the hall.
After brushing her teeth and washing her face, she stood in front of the mirror. She still wore that stupid smile–a foreign invader on a somewhat familiar face. She admired it, a feeling of relief spreading through her body. It was a long lost-friend, a confidant she missed so much.
But she hesitated too long, and now all those stray thoughts were running free. This would be the first time Erin would see her without makeup. It would be the first time that she didn’t have layers of cosmetics hiding what was underneath, and that terrified her.
It was one thing being almost 40 and being able to hide a decade beneath designer foundation and cream, distracting those that weren’t persuaded with tailored suits. It was something completely different standing in front of someone without that cloak, completely vulnerable as they possess the tools to pick out every sun spot and wrinkle that trail her face.
Her hand grasped around the concealer, and then pictures of her vain mother flashed through her mind on an unforgettable reel. She didn’t want to be like her. She wasn’t like her. It shouldn’t matter what she looked like. To anyone else, it wouldn’t bother her. But Erin? Dammit.
She walked out of the bathroom before she’d have to wash her face again. Opening her door, she couldn’t help but check on Erin one last time. The room was empty again, but the clothes were gone. The bathroom door creaked open, a sliver of artificial light rainbowing into the hall behind a long shadow. Erin came out, the clothes falling off her small body.
Her face was washed, glowing even in the lack of luminosity in that hallway. Julia couldn’t help but smile at how casual she looked–striped down to the most basic layer of every human characteristic. She was completely stunning. Her hand caught in strands of her hair as she combed it out, and just a little toothpaste was still in the corner of her mouth.
“Thanks for the clothes.” She smiled as she wiped the little dot of toothpaste with her hand, still a subtle slur on the backend of her words.
“I think they’re a little big.” Julia fought back a chuckle.
Erin tightened the string around the elastic waist, a peekaboo of tanned skin flashing from beneath.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she gleamed.
“You’re right. They fit perfectly. That 90s baggy look is definitely making a comeback.” They both couldn’t hold back the slight tug in the corner of the lips.
