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“I–”
“Everyone can see it,” she said sweetly. “Everyone can see how you two fit together. Even from the beginning, you weren’t strangers. You fell into something that I can’t even describe, something that I can’t even compare to.” Keegan gave a little chuckle with the last sentence, as if she couldn’t believe a young brunette could steal her best friend away.
“Everyone?”
“Everyone.” Keegan’s voice was a breathy sigh. “I think you knew. No sane person couldn’t.”
“Maybe I’m not sane,” Julia joked.
“Maybe you’re just stubborn,” she retorted. “It’s okay to want happiness.”
“But what if it doesn’t last? What if we jump off the cliff together and then it’s all gone when she leaves?”
“Then, at least you jumped off a cliff at least once in your life,” she replied with a smile. “Then, at least for one more week, you weren’t alone.” She whispered, her voice slightly trembling, “sometimes it’s worth the risk.”
And just then Julia’s phone buzzed from the deep pocket in her sweats. The sound of the piano ringtone filled the air. She looked up at Keegan, both too afraid to move or pick it up, too afraid of what news might be on the other side.
Julia pulled it out of her pocket slowly and stared at her doctor’s name across the screen. It buzzed in her hands, sending tingles to her fingertips and up her arm. The noise plucked at her ears like a squawking bird too early in the morning. The screen was cold as she slid her thumb across to answer.
“Hello?” her voice shook.
“Julia, how are you doing?” Dr. Rosel’s voice squeaked through the speaker.
“Fantastic. Did you get the results?” She couldn’t waste another second if she didn’t have it to give.
“We did, Julia,” her voice spoke so slowly, excruciatingly slowly. “It looks benign.”
Julia couldn’t help as tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face. She silently grabbed her stomach as she leaned forward into her lap. Keegan hugged her back, squeezing her harder than ever before.
“Based on our findings so far,” Dr. Rosel continued, “it’s a harmless cyst. We’ll need more tests to really know and determine the best route of action. We’ll recommend removal at another point.”
“Woohoo!” Keegan shouted in the background.
Julia sat up and with her sleeve, wiped her never-ending stream of tears from her face.
“Thank you, Dr. Rosel,” she cried. “Thank you.”
“Listen,” Julia could tell she was smiling on the other side, “we’re out of the woods for now. You can sleep a little better tonight.”
“Thank you.” Julia broke into even deeper sobs as she hung up the phone.
She cried into her lap as Keegan clung onto her from behind. They both allowed tears to stream down their face, pooling in salty puddles around them as they rocked to the melody of their cries.
She was overwhelmed with so many emotions. There was the momentary disappointment–one she’d never admit aloud. For just a second, she found her wondering if maybe she was gone–maybe if she didn’t have the time to touch or ruin anyone else’s lives–the pain she held inside would cease. She thought that maybe it would be the best that way, to be remembered and loved as the person she was and not the shell of a woman she became.
But then there was relief–a moment of needle pricking awareness that spread throughout her body like lightning striking a tree. It started in her face and traveled to her chest, down her arms, and across her stomach until it tickled her toes. She never wanted to die, never wanted the blackness to swallow her entirely. She’s only just started finding the best parts of herself again.
When Marin walked out, she only survived by convincing herself that all her problems walked out that door. She told herself it was for the best, that she was better off alone. But her problems stayed behind with her in the quicksand.
Those few days of stagnant thoughts around the thought that she might not get the chance for anything else, she realized she wasn’t anywhere near her finish line. She thought she knew what she wanted–the life she worked so hard for–but she didn’t. There was so, so much more.
There was Erin.
After Keegan left, Julia sat on her bed, phone in hand. She clicked the dial button and listened to the buzzing in her ears. She wasn’t going to tell her the entire ordeal she’s gone through the last few months. She just needed to hear her voice.
“Hello, darling,” Veronica’s voice chimed.
“Hi, mom,” Julia said, tears still in her eyes and threatening to duplicate. “I just wanted to check in and see how your week has been.”
