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“Are you thinking about the mistakes you've made?”
He shrugs. “I made the best choices I could in the moment with the information I had. It hasn't always been the right one.” He smiles sadly. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’d make the same choices, and I can’t say.” His expression turns contemplative. “But that’s life. I’ve learned to live with my decisions, and I'm determined to make up for the fall-out from those decisions.”
“Hence, your fight with Ryot?”
He winces. “Nothing I say or do will bring his wife back. And that’s one occasion in my life I’d probably make the same decision, given the circumstances. All I can do is do the right thing by Ryot when, or if, the opportunity arises. As for Felix?” he sighs. “I regret not being there for him. I screwed up his life by being absent for such long periods on end. I intend to remedy that.”
His confessions stir something primal in my core. “It’s not easy to admit to one’s mistakes. Some say it requires a great deal of bravery.”
He shrugs, then smiles sadly. “It’s the least I can do, don’t you think?”
That melting feeling in my chest intensifies. "This is why I’m attracted to you. It’s not that you’re older than me and more mature. It’s because you have your shit together. You know your mind, and you don’t hesitate to speak it, no matter how difficult it might be. Your confidence and your courage of conviction is very attractive.”
“Only my confidence?” His eyes gleam.
I roll my eyes. “Is this where I’m supposed to say I also find your dick impressive, and your sexual prowess?”
“I know that already, but it wouldn’t hurt to hear it from you.” He chuckles.
“Oh, my God, your insufferable ego.” I toss my hair away from my face. “The worst thing is, I find that attractive, and I shouldn’t.”
His smile widens to a shit-eating grin, and I can’t stop myself from laughing. “Stop looking so pleased with yourself.”
Our gazes hold. The air in the kitchen thickens. Heat crawls up my spine, and I want to lean over and close the distance between us and kiss him again. My cheeks flush, and for some reason, I feel embarrassed. The man has had his dick and his fingers inside me—not to mention, his tongue—and it’s this heated look between us that floors me? Get a grip, woman! I clear my throat, then drain my mug. “This cappuccino is very good.”
He shakes a finger in my direction. “That’s a diversion, but I’ll accept it.”
“Thanks.” I lower my chin so my hair covers my heated cheeks.
“I do have a question for you.”
I look at him with curiosity. “Oh?”
“Why did you agree to marry me?”
39
Quentin
Her eyebrows shoot up toward her hair line.” What do you mean?”
“It was the money in your account that made you agree to my proposition, wasn’t it? You couldn’t walk away from it, so you decided to marry me?“
Her features pale. Hurt filters into her eyes, and I curse myself. Since I woke up, I have been trying to figure out how best to start distancing myself. The nightmare still echoes in my head, reminding me that I'm going to lose her. But I didn't mean for it to come out such a callous manner. Especially not after last night, when I made love to her. And it was making love. It wasn’t fucking. Not when it meant something to both of us. Not when I worshipped her body with mine and revealed the depth of my feelings for her without words.
Which is why I need to change the tone of our relationship.
I’ll let her get this close, but no further. I’m in love with her, but she can never know that. I'm bound to hurt her, the way I’ve hurt those closest to me. It’s a matter of time before I hurt her and she leaves, and I don't know how I'll survive it, but it's not about me. It’s best I begin to push her away now, before she becomes too attached. It’s best I put distance between us, so she'll break up with me and move on to something… Someone better.
This is best for her; this is me being considerate. If she thinks I don’t have feelings for her, she’ll be happy to walk away from me, right? And she’ll still have the money. Her future will be set. So she won’t miss me at all.
My heart stutters in my chest. My stomach ties itself in knots. I taste bile on my tongue, and swallow down the bitter taste, then square my shoulders.
“It was the money, admit it. There's no shame in that. It was transactional. You saw the money, and it gave you permission to go through with the rest of the arrangement. You could have walked away then, and I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
Her gaze widens. “What are you trying to say?”
“That you married me for the money, and because you were curious to find out if the sex would be as hot as I promised. You wanted to explore your submissive side. And then, there’s the fact that you were a virgin.” I arch an eyebrow. “You realized this was your chance to let an older, more experienced man break your ‘hymen'?” I allude to the trivia she spouted earlier. I know it’s going to piss her off further, and I’m right.
