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She pulled the pictures she’d printed from her back pocket and handed them to him. He traced Bethany’s face and smiled. “She looks like you. She’s so beautiful. She’s all right?”
“She’s doing great. Jackson isn’t sure what he thinks of her, but he’s being so good about everything.”
They sat back down and he reached for her hands again. “Tell me everything.” He turned away, clearly fighting tears. “Who was with you?”
“Erica.”
He swung back to stare at her. “Erica was with you in the labor room?”
“Yes. Every second. She was amazing. She took care of me.”
“That should have been me.” He squeezed her fingers. “I love you, Allison. Just give me a little more time to get this straightened out and we’ll be a family again.”
He leaned closer. “Remember that place in Astoria where we went on our honeymoon? That little B&B.”
She nodded. It hadn’t been very fancy, but it had been right on the river. They’d stayed up late every night, sitting on their balcony, watching the water flow by in the moonlight. Being there with Peter had been the first time she’d felt whole since losing Levi. By the time they’d driven back to Seattle, she’d known she’d made the right decision marrying him. She’d believed he would always be there for her, would always love her. She’d known she could depend on him.
She’d been wrong about all of it.
“We’ll go back,” he said. “Back to that B&B. When I get out.”
She wanted to ask how they would pay for it. After all she was raising two children without him. She had minimal skills and expensive childcare. She’d spent three months being afraid, confused and adrift. She needed direction in her life and that meant coming up with a plan.
That was what she thought about while she nursed Bethany. Her family’s future. How she was going to take care of them.
She looked at the man she’d loved and no longer knew. “I’ve spoken with a divorce lawyer,” she said quietly. “You’ll be served in a few days. It would be better for all of us if you just signed where they said and let me go.”
He stared at her, his expression blank. “What did you say?” He half rose, then sank back onto his chair. The tears returned. “No. Allison, no. Not a divorce. Don’t do that. Don’t cut me off. I love you. You’re my world.”
“You keep saying that. You tell me how much you love me but what you did to me, to our family, didn’t come from a place of love. It came from selfishness and carelessness. You don’t care about me. You want to blame me for what you got yourself into, but that’s as far as it goes.”
“That’s not true.”
She ignored that. “I could deal with all of it if it was just me, but it’s not. Do you know in all the times I’ve come here you’ve never once asked about Summer? She’s your daughter and it’s as if you don’t know who she is.”
He looked away. “She hasn’t bothered to come see me.”
“She’s sixteen. It’s up to you to be the adult. You don’t ask about Jackson, you didn’t notice I wasn’t pregnant. I can’t figure out if you’ve always been self-absorbed or if this is a prison thing, but it doesn’t matter. I’m done.”
His expression turned pleading as tears slipped down his cheeks. “No. Don’t say that. I didn’t mean to end up here. I’m sorry. I did it for you. All of it.”
“Really? What makes you think I wanted to be married to a criminal? What makes you think I wanted a husband who would risk our future on some stupid scheme? I was happy with what we had. I was content. But you didn’t care about that. You thought we should have more and you destroyed what we had. This is on you.”
He cried harder. “What about the kids? I’m their father.”
“I want you to sign away your rights. When you get out of here, I won’t come after you for child support and you won’t ever see them again.”
“No. Allison, I can’t. I love them.”
“Not enough to be their father.”
The tears dried up as he glared at her. “You’re different. You were never like this before. It’s Erica, isn’t it? This is all her idea.”
“She doesn’t even know I’ve talked to a lawyer. She has nothing to do with this.” Allison stood. “You were right about one thing. You said she’d take care of me and she has. She’s the best person I’ve ever known and I will always be grateful to her. But more than that, I’m proud to be her friend.”
She looked at Peter and knew she would always wonder if he’d really changed that much or if she’d never seen him for who he was.
“Sign the papers and let me go. If you ever loved me, let me go.”
