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Allison nodded as she moved her breast so her nipple was by her daughter’s tiny mouth. She stroked her cheek, then tickled the corner of her mouth.
“Come on, sweetie,” she whispered. “Aren’t you hungry?”
She knew there was milk. Her breasts were full and ached. She kept encouraging Bethany to start nursing, blowing softly on the top of her head, then offering her her nipple again. Finally the baby’s tiny mouth parted. Allison eased her nipple inside and waited. Seconds later she felt the first tug.
“She’s doing it,” she whispered, looking at the nurse. “She’s nursing.”
“Excellent. Keep her on that breast until she stops, then switch her to the other side. She may not latch on twice, but she’s getting something, which is great. Right now her stomach is about the size of a cherry, so don’t worry about volume. When she’s done, you can pump the rest. Her stomach will get bigger over the next few days. Within a couple of weeks, you’ll figure out how long it takes her to nurse. Some babies need thirty minutes, others are done in fifteen. As long as she’s growing and putting on weight as we expect, then you’re doing great. If you start to have trouble, we have lactation resources.”
The nurse smiled. “That’s enough for now. I’ll check back in a few.”
She left Allison with her baby. Bethany continued to breastfeed for several more minutes. Allison watched her, feeling love fill every cell in her body. What had seemed so hopeless a few hours ago was now possible. Bethany had been born and she was going to be all right.
“You have a big brother,” she whispered, stroking her daughter’s cheek. “His name is Jackson and he’s very excited to meet you. He’s with Grandma Mara right now.”
The older woman had promised to look after him until Allison was home. Summer was pitching in, as well. Erica would also be there. Erica who had bullied and cajoled and supported Allison through one of the roughest days of her life.
“You’re going to meet Erica,” she continued, her voice soft. “And Summer, and you’re going to love them so much. They’re good people with big hearts.”
Tears burned, but she blinked them away. “Your daddy can’t be with us. He’s in jail because it turns out he’s a bad man. I’m sorry about that. I know it makes for a more difficult start. The thing is, I didn’t know him at all. The man I fell in love with was so different. Kind and gentle and caring. He rescued me and allowed me to believe in love again. I trusted him and he betrayed all of us.”
She wanted to say he’d broken her, but Erica was right. She was a little shattered, but she wasn’t broken. She would heal from all this and be stronger than she had been before. Oh, there would be scars—she would be a lot less trusting and a lot more wary, but maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.
Bethany drew back a little and looked at her.
“All done with that one? Let’s try the other side.”
She shifted her newborn carefully and got Bethany in position. Her baby immediately latched on to her breast and sucked hard.
“You’re hungry, huh? That’s good.”
She closed her eyes and told herself she would sleep soon. Maybe just for an hour, but at least it was something. For a second she allowed herself to pretend that she wasn’t holding Peter’s baby. That Levi stood right outside the door, watching her, thrilled that they had the baby they’d always wanted.
If only, she thought, then shook her head. No if only. Levi was gone, taken by a cruel quirk of DNA, and he was never coming back. She had to stay in the real world. She had her kids to take care of and a life to start over. She might not have Levi anymore and she still had to deal with Peter, but she wasn’t alone. She had a family and she knew that no matter what, they would be there for her.
29
“You know you can go the speed limit,” Allison said from the back seat, where she sat beside Bethany’s car seat.
“Shut up.”
Erica gripped the steering wheel with both hands. The short drive from the hospital to the house seemed fraught with danger. Too many drivers were idiots and she had special cargo.
“You’re going what? Twenty? Cars are backing up behind you.”
“I’m being careful. We have a newborn in the car. Be grateful.”
“I’d rather be home.”
Erica shot her a look in the rearview mirror. “You have a lot of attitude for someone who gave birth three days ago.”
“They gave me a vitamin B12 shot. I’m ready to take on the world.”
“For real?”
“No. I have to pee, but at the rate you’re driving, it’s going to happen in the car.”
“Cross your legs. We’re nearly there.”
