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"You're lying to me again," she whispers and then she sighs, her expression firming. "If you can't tell me the truth, I don't think there's anything else to say."
Those words wreck me, but I don't blame her for them. How can I? I'm a fucking asshole. If she needs time to work through this…if she needs to be pissed at me for protecting her…so long as she's safe, I'll live with it.
"I understand," I tell her, my voice thick. "But none of this is her fault. If you need to be pissed at me…if you need to hate me…I'll fucking find a way to deal with it. But don't blame her for any of this. This is on me, okay? Not her."
Tahani opens her mouth and then closes it and nods.
We stand there for a long moment, neither of us speaking, and then I say fuck it and pull her into my chest. I hug her hard, drop a kiss to the top of her head, and then step back, praying like hell that she finds a way to forgive me soon. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't.
"I think I'm going to find a hotel for the night," she whispers.
"You don't have to do that, kiddo." I frown at her. This is her house too. She can stay here anytime she wants.
"I think I do." She gives me another sad little smile, her bottom lip quivering. "Bye, Daddy."
"I love you, Tahani." My eyes burn as she turns and walks down the stairs, taking half of my heart with her.
"You should go after her," Mila whispers when she comes up the stairs a few minutes later. She's crying again.
I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her hair, just breathing her in. She lets me hold her, running her hands up and down my back like she's trying to comfort me. My nerves are shot, my heart mangled.
"I love you, Roman."
Her soft words ground me, pulling me back from the ledge.
"I love you too." I tip her face up with one hand and press my lips to her forehead. My breath leaves my lips in a shaky exhalation. "I don't know if she's going to forgive me. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do if she doesn't."
"I'm tearing you two apart," Mila whispers, reaching up to cup my cheek. More sadness creeps into her eyes.
"No." I take her face in my hands, staring down at her. "Don't do that, Mila. Don't go there."
But she is anyway. I see it in her eyes.
"She's your daughter." She sniffles. "You can't choose me over her. I won't let you."
"I'm not?" Fuck. Is that what they think I'm doing? Choosing between them? Is that what has to happen here? I have to pick between the woman who owns me and the daughter who's been the center of my world since the day I met her? Is that what's expected of me? How do I make that choice? I can't. I fucking can't.
"I would have given anything for my dad to love me enough to fight for me," Mila says, crying harder. "But he chose his addiction and his misery over me."
"Mila–"
"I won't let you choose me over Tahani, Roman. I won't."
"Baby–"
She's sobbing openly now, and I'm afraid she's going to hyperventilate. I grab her and pull her into me, holding her hard as she fights me. She screams at me to let her go, but I don't. I trap her against my body, refusing to let go as she breaks down. Every tear eviscerates me, leaving me raw and bleeding. But I don't let her go.
I will never fucking let her go.
My entire adult life, I've played by the rules. I've done everything I had to do, everything that was asked of me, and I didn't complain. I kept Tahani safe. I avoided Mila. Until the day she asked me for two weeks, I played by the fucking rules. But as she falls apart in my arms, crying for the father that broke her heart and out of fear that she's going to tear me and my daughter apart, I'm fucking done with the rules and doing what's right.
"I'm not letting you go," I growl in her ear, sweeping her up in my arms. "Not now and not ever, Mila. I'm not letting Tahani go, either. I will not choose between the two of you. Do you hear me, baby?" I lay down on the bed, pulling her down with me and tucking her against my chest. "I'm not letting either of you go."
I hold her until her tears stop and her body sags against mine. She lies quietly in my arms for a long time, not speaking. I don't know where her mind is at, but I meant every word I said. I'm not letting her or Tahani go. They're mine.
"Promise me that you'll fix things with her," she whispers a few minutes later, her voice thick with the tears she just shed.
"I promise you," I vow, "I will fix things with Tahani. Right now, she just needs time to cool down and process. But you aren't leaving me, baby."
