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Motherfucker.
"Stay right there," I bark at Tahani, and then gently untangle Mila's arms from around me. She's staring past me at Tahani now, her lips parted. The devastated look on her face kills me. So does the matching look on Tahani's. The two most important women in my life are hurting and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it right now. I have to deal with the officer at the door before he kicks the fucking thing in.
Christ, why didn't I tell Tahani the truth days ago?
Because I'm a selfish bastard, that's why. For eight years, my daughter has had me wrapped around her little finger, and I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want her to look at me like she is right now…like she doesn't even fucking know me. So I didn't say anything.
The officer pounds on the door again.
"Fuck," I growl and then jog down the stairs to deal with him.
"Agent Gregory?" he asks when I pull the door open, his hand going to his gun when he sees mine in my hands. He's young, maybe twenty-five, but his brown eyes are hard, like he's been doing this shit for a while and has seen too much.
"Yeah," I mutter, holding the gun out with my palms up so he knows I'm not a threat to him.
"Is everything okay, sir? Where's the intruder?" His gaze shifts pass me, sweeping through the living room.
I quickly explain the situation, letting him know it was a misunderstanding and that there was no intruder, only my daughter showing up out of the blue.
"I understand," he says, holding my gaze, making it clear he's not intimidated by me or the fact that I'm with the ATF. "I'd like to speak to the young woman who called us."
I don't want to deal with this bullshit when my entire world is standing upstairs, hurting because I was a fucking coward, but I can't even be pissed at him for asking because I would do the same exact thing if our roles were reversed. Mila was hysterical when I got to her, and I'm guessing she probably was when she called 911 too. He needs to see her for himself to make sure she's okay and I'm not lying to him.
"Give me a minute," I say when he makes like he's going to follow me into the house. "She isn't dressed yet." And there is no fucking way I'm letting him see her naked. The thought alone pisses me off.
More sirens rip apart the night, coming closer. I growl when I hear them, my patience wearing thin.
The officer—Evan Arias, according to his badge—steps back onto the porch and grabs the radio microphone looped through the strap on his shoulder, telling any responding units to slow down.
I don't listen to the rest of what he says before I step back inside the house and climb the stairs.
Tahani's still standing where I left her, but Mila isn't. She's in the bedroom, pulling one of my t-shirts over her head. She's already put on a little pair of shorts. Tahani doesn't even look at me when I step up beside her. She keeps her gaze trained on the floor at her feet, standing quietly. My heart clenches at that. She's never been so silent or still before.
"Mila?" I call softly.
She spins to look at me, her expression making my heart ache. That sadness is back, dimming the bright green color of her eyes. Yet again, I've hurt her without even trying. I told her I'd tell Tahani, that it was my responsibility, and I didn't fucking do it.
I'm an asshole.
"Officer Arias needs to speak with you, baby. He needs to see for himself that you're okay," I explain.
Tahani makes a sound beside me when I call Mila baby. It's little more than a pained whimper, and it fucking kills me.
"Okay," Mila whispers. Her eyes flick toward Tahani and then back to me. She offers me a sad little smile and then slips past me down the stairs.
I step into the bedroom and put my gun on the dresser before turning to face Tahani again. I have no fucking clue what to say to her. She deserved more than to find out about me and Mila like this. Mila deserved more than for Tahani to find out this way.
"How long?" Tahani lifts her head to look at me and my heart clenches again. Tears shine in her hazel eyes, hurt and anger written all over her face. Even worse is the disappointment. She's always looked at me like I'm a fucking hero. Never once, not even when I've pissed her off, has she looked at me like she's disappointed in me, like I've failed her as a parent.
"Since I got here," I tell her, my voice rough with emotion. I've faced down cartels and members of the fucking Mafia, and never flinched. I've combed through buildings looking for bombs, and been just fine. But facing down my daughter? Knowing that I could lose her or Mila when all is said and done? That's the kind of fear that rips you apart.
"Since you got here." Her expression darkens, her hazel eyes narrowing on me. She pops one hand on her hip, planting her feet apart. "So what? You just decided to start fucking her because you were here and she was available?"
"No," I bark, pissed that she thinks she walked in on some trivial affair. Christ, it was never that. Even when Mila proposed it as two weeks of commitment-free sex, it was never that for me. I know it was never that for her, either. And I don't want Tahani thinking it was.
But the simple truth is…I don't know how to tell her that I've been crazy for her best friend since the day I met her. I've never been that great with words, and I don't know how to explain any of this to my daughter.
"I love you, Hani," I tell her, trying anyway. My throat feels raw and my heart fucking hurts. It doesn't matter though. Mila and Tahani are the only things that matter right now. "And I'm fucking sorry you found out this way. I should have told you sooner, and I'm an asshole for keeping it from you. But that's not even remotely fucking close to what's going on between me and Mila."
