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He wants me to take the job in Los Angeles.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth earlier."
With one hand on the back of my neck, being careful to avoid the knot on the back of my head, he carefully tips it back until my eyes meet his. "I don't fucking care," he says firmly. Something hot and sweet swirls through his hazel eyes. "You don't owe me an apology for anything. Come to Los Angeles with me, baby."
"But–" I don't know how to ask if he wants me there or if he just feels guilty. If that's what this is, I don't want it. Okay, I do. I want him however I can have him, but I do have a little self-respect. Enough to know I'd never try to force myself into his life if he didn't really want me there.
"I want you with me," he says before I can find a way to put any of that into words.
"You do?" I whisper, still afraid to hope.
"Yes. Christ, baby, don't you know that?" His gaze shifts across my face, his eyes soft. "I was a dick this morning, but it wasn't because I don't want you. Not even close. I've never felt this way about anyone before you. I'm so fucking gone for you, it's pathetic."
"You're…what?" Maybe I fell asleep and am dreaming because I know he didn't just say that.
He smiles, his lips tipping up at the corners. "I think I've been half in love with you for years. Maybe it's too soon to tell you that. Maybe it sends you running. I don't know, but it's fucking true. I'm in love with you."
He loves me.
Holy fuck. He's in love with me.
"What about your job?" I ask him, trying to be rational even though I really don't want to be.
Worry slides through his eyes again, and his arm tightens around me for a split second before he forces himself to relax. "I don't know," he murmurs truthfully. "I've fought for a long time to keep my job from touching the people I care about. The person I have to be and the things I have to do are fucked up. My life, my job…it's pretty fucking grim, Mila. I don't know how to let you into that side of my life any more than I already have. I don't know how to let you see that side of me. I don't know how any of this shit works. All I know is that I want you with me. I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you safe. I won't let that part of my life touch you. I can't."
"I don't think it works that way," I whisper, watching fear, determination, and a million other emotions rapidly parade across his gorgeous face. He means what he's saying, but I don't think it works that way.
He cocks his brow at me, silently demanding an explanation.
"I may not understand your lifestyle or exactly what your job entails, but those things are part of who you are. I don't think you get to compartmentalize that part of yourself and hide it away. It's going to touch me because it touches you. It's part of who you are. You can't protect me from that."
"I won't let it touch you," he growls.
"I know you'll keep me safe," I whisper, "because that's part of who you are, too. You're protective, possessive, and bossy as hell. And I think you'd move heaven and hell if you had to because that's also who you are. But you're a cop, too, Roman. Maybe Tahani can accept you shutting her out of that part of your life, but I can't."
He opens his mouth to say something, so I quickly put my hand over his lips to silence him.
"I'm not saying I want to know all the details," I say before he can pull my hand away. "I'm not saying I want to meet the criminals you work with or go on raids with you or whatever. I'm just saying that I'm in love with all of you. If you have to keep me in the dark about certain things, fine. But if you're just going to flip out every time I get too close to that part of your life, we're going to have problems because it is part of your life. It's a big part of your life, and you can't tuck it away in some little box. You can't tuck me away in some little box, either. This will never work like that."
"Say that again," he breathes when I pull my hand from his mouth. His forehead tips down to rest against mine, his eyes blazing with heat. For a second, I'm not sure what he's talking about, and then he repeats his request, growling the words at me, and understanding dawns.
"I'm in love with you," I whisper, unable to hide the way my voice shakes.
He looks so confused, so hopeful…God, he wrecks me. Sometimes, he looks at me, and I have no idea what's going on in his mind. He's locked up so tight that trying to read him is like trying to read the moon. Other times, like right now, he's like a little boy when he looks at me, and everything he's feeling is right there on his face.
I love those times because they're just for me. I'm the only woman who gets to see him like this. I'm the only one who gets to see the real him. He lets me in because he wants me in there…and he wants only me to have this part of him.
"Christ," he says, exhaling a shaking breath. His eyes darken until he looks like a predator staring at me, ready to pounce. "I want to be inside you when you say those words to me."
I moan before I can stop myself. I want him inside me, fucking me while he demands to hear me say it over and over. I already know he will demand it because that's part of who he is too. He fucks me like he can't stop and kisses me like I'm the most important thing in the world to him. He says the filthiest shit and does things to my body that I've only ever read about. And the entire time, he demands more because he's greedy for it. Because he needs it. Because he knows I'll give it to him. I'll always give it to him.
God, I love him.
"I'm not fucking you," he says, cupping my cheeks in his big hands, a tender smile on his lips. "I want to, but you're in pain. I don't want to hurt you. I won't hurt you."
"I know." He won't even fuck me when he thinks I'm too sore from him being inside me. There's no way he'll fuck me when I spent half the afternoon in the emergency room. And honestly, as much as I want him, there's no way I can have sex when I feel precisely like I fell down a flight of stairs.
He chuckles at the petulance in my voice, brushing a kiss across my forehead and then across my lips. "I'm sorry I made you cry this morning," he says once he's tucked me back into his chest.
