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He smiles softly, like he knows something I don’t. “Of course not.”
“I just…I don’t love him, but I might like him a bit.”
Max’s mouth pulls into a grin. “Yeah, and you like how he looks too, huh?”
I snort and then run a hand through my hair.
“He’s not half bad. I don’t think he has hair anywhere on his body.”
“Smooth skin?”
“Yeah, like I think he waxes and shit,” I say and then blush. “Fuck, this is embarrassing. I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
Max reaches out and pulls me into his side, roughing me up a little.
“Nah, it’s normal. This is totally fine. Me and Beau, Magnus and Sem. We wouldn’t change a thing.”
It’s so normal how he’s talking about this, like it’s no big deal. And really, it isn’t. Not when you think about it logically. Who you find attractive, who you want doesn’t really matter. It’s all about how someone makes you feel. And if you want someone with the same parts as you, then so be it.
It’s as simple as that, it seems.
How did I go through my entire life not understanding this?
Fuck my parents for teaching us such closed-minded shit.
Max lets go of me and ruffles my hair affectionately.
“Don’t stress about it, dude, just enjoy it. I see the way he looks at you. He likes you more than he probably cares to admit.”
I blush at that. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Max says and then pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. “Just let him do what he wants to do. If you enjoy it, that is.”
“I do,” I whisper. “I’m just so confused, but the way he touches me…” My words trail off as Max lets out a small laugh.
“God, this is karma, isn’t it? The two of us behaving like fuckers to Magnus and now look at us. We were made to eat our own words.”
Guilt rises up inside of me. “And I behaved like an asshole to you and Beau.”
“I know, but you apologized, you tried to make it right.”
“I did, but it’s not enough. It will never be enough,” I choke out.
Max’s eyes soften and he shakes his head. “No, Matt. It will. It is.”
We just stare at one another, our eyes a little glazed when Max suddenly says, “God, what will Mitch think when he finds out?”
“Fuck, I don’t know,” I say with a dark laugh. “He was already pissed when he found out I’d moved and didn’t tell him, and then when I canceled soccer on him…”
“Shit,” Max says and then sighs. “He’s been calling me too, but I’ve been deflecting. I just hope he doesn’t show up at my place. I don’t want him disturbing our peace. But he was always closer with you, so maybe he won’t.”
“Yeah, just send him my way. I can handle him. I don’t want him coming after you or Beau. You both deserve to be happy.”
Max nods and pulls me in for a hug.
“Yeah, okay, I hope he just stays away. For now at least. I just want the peace that life with Beau has given me.”
I get that. I so do. I want that, I want the happiness that Coop has shown me. I want to keep it. Want to tuck it away and pull it out to stare at it, like those seashells on my dresser.
