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“Stop worrying about me for a while. I’m a grown man and can take care of myself.”
“I’ve noticed.”
He bent his head into my hair and inhaled. “Mmm, this is nice.”
Something, I don’t know what, made me turn around, and the next thing I knew we were kissing. Not testing-the-waters kind of kissing, but full-blown, sparks-flying, knees-turning-to-Jell-o kind of kissing. My back was suddenly against the door, and he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I yanked his shirt out of his pants and my fingers walked trails over his smooth skin. Dear God, I never felt heat like this before. Never. Not even with Peter. It was nirvana.
I wanted to rip off my clothes and feel every inch of his naked skin next to mine. I wanted to run my hands across his chest and lick every inch of his body.
He lifted his head and looked directly into my eyes. His smoky-gray orbs were half closed and heavy with passion. They reached into my mind and asked that question. I knew I had to say no, but didn’t want to. I wanted this moment to go on and on, with my body wrapped in his warm embrace.
“I want to, but I can’t … not until you know everything about me. Then you’ll have to decide if you want to continue down this path.”
“Then talk to me, Alexia. Tell me what I need to know.”
“Like this?” He wanted me to tell him now?
“Yes, like this. Here. Now.”
“I’m not sure if I can.”
“Yes, you can. Please trust me. You can tell me anything.”
He sounded sincere and made me believe in him. My mouth suddenly went dry as sand. I licked my lips and swallowed. Mustering up the courage to tell him the truth wasn’t easy, but I forced the words out.
“I moved here after Peter died. Everyone back home blamed me for his death, which made it impossible to stay in Lynchburg. After I got here, I started partying. Really hard. Not just alcohol. Drugs. Coke and weed mostly. Other stuff too like X. Nothing in the vein. Mainly pills. Anyway, I ...” I dropped my head and squeezed my eyes shut and forced my breath through my lips. Taking another deep one, I rubbed my forehead and then my eyes. “I … ah, I really fucked around a lot. A lot, Pearce. Not just a few times. This went on for three years, so you can only imagine.”
“Alexia, you ...”
“Let me finish, because if I don’t get this out now, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to.” I looked up at him and he nodded. I took another deep breath and went on. “One morning I woke up between two guys I didn’t even know. The truth is I barely knew any of them. I didn’t want to know any of them. And if you ask me why, I can’t tell you. It went on a few more times even after that. But my friend Terri picked me up and made me go and get tested. Thank God I’m healthy. But after I was kidnapped, I made the decision to change. I stopped it all. No drugs, drinking, clubbing, or anything like that. The only alcohol I’ve had has been with you. I don’t have an addiction problem. I have zero desire for any of the stuff. I haven’t been in a club or a bar since that night with you … the night I was attacked. Anyway, I thought you should know all of this before … well, now that you do, I suppose you’ll want to take me home. I may be healthy, but I’ll always feel dirty, Pearce.”
I wiggled a bit, thinking he’d put me down, but he only held me tighter. Why wasn’t he letting me go?
“Alexia, stop making decisions for me. I told you I was a grown man and meant it. Now, as for your behavior, I can’t say I like what you’ve done because it would be a lie. I can’t even say I understand it, but I think I know why. You have this self-loathing thing going on and it’s all part of that. You were giving yourself more of a reason to hate yourself. I’m glad you stopped, glad you got tested and ecstatic you’re healthy. Like you said, you’re obviously not an addict, or you’d have gone back to either drugs or alcohol before now. Just so we’re clear on this, you are responsible for your actions, but you’ve cleaned up your ways and everyone fucks up. You’ve learned from your mistakes. It’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Got it?”
I nodded, feeling a burden had been lifted.
“Now will you go out to dinner with me again?”
I laughed my ass off as did he.
“Will you do something for me?” he asked.
“Yes, what?”
“Will you go to counseling? You’ve been through entirely too much to handle it all on your own.”
He felt me stiffen and his brows arched.
“I did and it made things worse for me.”
“Then you had a terrible counselor. I know someone who’s excellent. Will you go?”
I scrunched up my face and looked at him.
“Under one condition. If he makes me call my parents, I call it quits with your friend. I refuse to contact them.”
“Fair enough. Just be up front with him about that.”
