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Just like she did the trees.
Such a feat should not be possible by a mere human with a sorrowful upbringing. It only deepens the mystery between us. The mystery of her.
I can only hope that one day I’ll get a chance to explain, that I can make it right. But if not, as long as I can keep her safe, it’s worth it.
And as long as she stays far away from me, I can control myself while protecting her.
I might not be able to have her, but no one else can have her either.
Even if it’s from afar, she will always be mine.
twenty-six
I Don’t Owe Him Anything
Alessia
With my mind spinning as I process Rainer’s powers, I storm to my room. My gaudy dress is drenched with sweat, sticking to my body in an unsightly fashion. I rip and tug, desperate to free myself from the material.
Once the dress is off, I give the seams a yank, growling as I tear it to pieces, the purple scraps fluttering down around me.
What a load of shite.
I can’t believe Das Celyn would set me up, and for what? For a gods-damned laugh?
As I put on a pair of leggings and a tunic, I turn the new bits of information over in my mind. Some of the mysteries surrounding Rainer and the Umbra Court are finally coming together for me.
If Rainer is a fearcaller, it explains how the forest feeds on fear—the trees' sentient power must be connected to Rainer’s somehow. It also explains what happened during that training session with Viv. Rainer used his power on her, like he did me, to mimic what she might see out there in the forest.
To prepare her.
Most of all, it explains why he’s so off-putting at times—he’s a literal nightmare. Everyone’s worst fear, personified. I have no intention of getting close to him again.
I blame the moonberries and my dreams about him for the false romanticization. But no more. Finally, I see the truth.
He’s not nice. He does not care about my best interests.
He’s a feckin’ faerie, after all.
If I were going to leave, now would be the perfect time. No one is around. I don’t have any belongings to retrieve. I could easily slip away unnoticed, risk braving the woods.
But…despite my revelations about Rainer, being here has been good for me. Training with Viv and Ken has been good for me. It’s ignited something I didn’t think I’d find—hope.
Hope that I can learn something for myself.
Hope that I can protect myself.
Hope that I can create a better life.
A few more weeks, or even months, here could be the difference I need to grow from a weak girl to a strong woman.
It could be the difference between life or death for me.
I can’t let Rainer’s cruelty hold me back from being my best self. I refuse to let him ruin my life now that I’m finally getting it back.
Getting it for the first time, actually.
If I can stick out the lord for almost eighteen years, I can stick out an arrogant faerie prince for a few more months. I can subdue my stubbornness in the name of survival.
