Page 19 of The Rebel

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Page 19 of The Rebel

We ride in silence for a moment before she speaks again.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything, Toto."

"Why did you open the bar?"

"Jayson," I whisper quietly, my throat tight. "He always said he wanted to run his own biker bar. He never got the chance so…"

"So you did it for him," she says, understanding in her voice.

"Yeah."

"He'll never see it, but I wanted him to have his dream. Even named the damn thing the Devil's Run, which is the name he picked out back when we were young and dumb and didn't know any goddamn better."

"You really loved him, didn't you?"

"He was the only family I had," I admit softly as we drive. "I grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place. We met in high school and were thick as thieves. When I fell in with an MC, he followed me." My sigh is heavy with regret. "Shit was copacetic for a while, and then it took a turn. I had nothing to lose, so I turned with it. But Jayson…Jayson had family. His mom found out and kicked his ass out, told him not to come around again until he was done with that kind of life. That should have been enough to screw my head on straight, but it wasn't."

I glance in the rearview again and see the same fucking van following a few car lengths behind us. What the fuck? Anxiety creeps up my spine, but I push it down, focusing on Kylie and the words I need to say.

"We got deeper and deeper into the life. By the time I realized we needed to get the fuck out before we did something we couldn't take back, Jayson had no interest in leaving. He had a girl at the clubhouse and was rising through the ranks. He was there because of me, and I couldn't leave him, so I stayed, too."

Kylie reaches out for me, placing her hand on my arm as if to offer comfort.

"The night he was killed, I was on a drug run. Everyone else was drunk and passed out. One of our prospects double-crossed us to a new club in the area. We had no beef with them, but they wanted our territory. The prospect let the motherfuckers in. It was a bloodbath," I whisper.

"I got back in time to find Jayson…" My voice cracks, the memory still raw and painful.

Kylie unlatches her seatbelt, sliding across the bucket seat until she's pressed up against me, holding onto me like a lifeline. "He took his last breath in my arms. I fuckin' lost it, Kylie. What I did…"

"What did you do?"

"I went after the people who killed them," I whisper, the first time I've said the words out loud. "Christ, Kylie. I killed five, six people that night."

"Memphis," she whispers, tears thick in her voice. Her hand finds mine, squeezing it tightly, offering me comfort and understanding.

"I don't regret it, baby. Never have, and doubt I ever will. The only goddamn thing I regret is not getting Jayson the fuck out of there when I had the chance. He's dead because I introduced him to that kind of life." I pause, swallowing hard. "People back home still think I'm the one who betrayed the MC. I let them think it. It doesn't fucking matter. At the end of the day, I am the one who got him killed. That guilt does belong to me."

I check the rearview mirror again and the sight of the van still tailing us sends a shiver down my spine.

"It wasn't your fault, Memphis," Kylie says softly, reaching out to touch my face, distracting me from the van behind us. I glance down at her, finding tear-streaked cheeks and those beautiful emerald eyes full of empathy.

Christ, she's so fucking sweet.

"I know you don't believe that, but I do." Her voice is a whisper, shaking with sincerity.

"Toto," I murmur, my heart aching in ways I can't put into words. Telling her everything hurt, but it healed too. Or maybe it's the way she's looking at me that's healing me. I don't fucking know.

All I know for sure is that, for the first time, I don't feel like a goddamn monster for what I did. I feel…like someone who might be worthy of the angel staring up at him with stars in her eyes.

"You're fuckin' perfect, Toto. Don't ever change."

She smiles at me, the warmth of it lighting up the entire goddamn night.

As we pull into my neighborhood, I check the rearview mirror one more time, relieved to see that the van has disappeared.

Kylie notices my preoccupation.


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