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“And then what? Liisa silenced JJ by pushing her off her own balcony?” Aaron digests it for a moment. “It seems so… outlandish.”
Holly eyes him intently. “How else do you explain what’s been happening?”
Aaron reaches out and caresses her cheek. “Do I need to give you my not-everything-makes-sense-in-the-cosmos speech again?”
Holly spins away from his palm and sets off up the trail. Aaron hurries after her, relieved that the incline has lessened. By the time he catches up to her, Holly wears a distant look, and she avoids his eyes. She motions to the taller hills ahead of them and says, “Back there somewhere is Route 73.”
“And what’s the relevance of that?”
“It’s where my dad died.”
In the twelve years he has known her, Aaron has never once heard his wife willingly mention the car accident that killed her father, despite all the times he tried to get her to open up about it. He has no idea why she’s raising it now, but he senses it’s best to let her volunteer more.
“I found the site of the crash, Aaron,” she murmurs without looking at him. “I went to see it. For the first time since the accident.”
He wants to touch her, but he resists the urge. “And how did it feel to be back there?”
“Nauseating.”
“Anything else?”
She kicks away a small rock. “Incomplete, maybe.”
“Why incomplete?”
“For the last twenty years, since Peru, I stuck my head in the sand. I avoided talking or even thinking about the accident. And then, after Elaine… and my intense DMT trip… I decided I had to know. But what did I discover? Absolutely nothing. There was no explicable reason for the accident. Just more of that senselessness and randomness you love to fall back on.”
“It’s a huge step that you even tried, Holl. You confronted your fears, your denial.”
“And what good did it do me?”
“You can’t know that yet. Not right away.”
“I’m not convinced, Aaron.” Her voice thickens. “And you want to hear the worst part?”
“I do.”
“I hurt Papa. Badly.”
Aaron shakes his head. “What does this have to do with Walter?”
“It was my choice to confront those memories. Not his.” She stops to swallow. “And it wasn’t until I started pressing him for details that I came to realize he’s been struggling to bury the memory of that day as much as I have.”
“You didn’t mean to, Holly.”
Her shoulders rise and fall. “Poor Papa. My rock.” She sniffles. “The strength it must have taken him to shield me from his devastation at losing his only son. He could’ve plummeted into despair like my mom did. But instead, he showered me with all the love and support I needed. What my mom wouldn’t give me. What she couldn’t give me.”
“Holl…”
“Every time I go looking for answers, Aaron, I make things worse. But I just can’t help myself.”
He swallows her in a hug, feeling her chest pound against his, as her chin presses into his neck.
Walter might be your rock, but I’ll always be your protector.
CHAPTER 40
Tuesday, April 23
