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“I can relate,” she murmurs.
“Are you worried your patient is going to report you?”
“Or tell others.”
“Who?”
“Members of the group? Friends?” She shrugs. “JJ seems to know everyone.”
“It would be her word against yours,” Aaron says, struggling to find a kernel of reassurance to offer.
Holly flashes him a look that tells him just how little she thinks of that defense.
“She shouldn’t mention it to anyone else,” he says, stating the obvious. “I hope you made that clear to her.”
Holly looks away. “I didn’t have the chance. She had a dysphoric reaction to the ketamine. Totally flipped out. I had to sedate her with midazolam. I doubt she even remembers telling me.”
“But she won’t have forgotten seeing you with the vape pen.”
“No. She definitely will not.”
Aaron squeezes Holly’s wrist and is pleased that she doesn’t pull away from his grip.
She closes her eyes for a moment. “That wasn’t even the only bombshell JJ dropped on me during our session.”
He frowns. “What else?”
“She told me she spoke to Elaine. The night of her overdose. After the group had already gone to confront her.”
“What did they talk about?”
“I don’t know. All JJ would say is that she ‘should’ve told her.’ ”
“Told Elaine what?”
“That’s the thing, Aaron! JJ kept digressing. Focusing on my DMT use. And then she had a massive panic attack. I couldn’t get the rest of it out of her.”
“Does it really matter now?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?” Holly’s voice cracks. “I can’t believe this is happening again.”
“After Elaine?”
“Yes. With Elaine, I was terrified of what her allegations could do to me and my practice. But at least they were unfounded. But this? Vaping an illicit substance in my own office? That’s indefensible. If the Medical Board were to get wind of that…”
It might be career-ending, Aaron thinks. But rather than state the obvious, he says, “JJ only spoke of it under the influence. Do you really think she intends to pursue it?”
“I have no idea. None at all.” Holly looks back up at him, and her misty eyes fill with raw vulnerability. “What should I do?”
“You really want my advice?” Aaron pauses, wanting Holly to be aware of how much she needs him. “Even after the last time? When I was the one who told you to talk to your patient?”
She nods. “It wouldn’t have made a difference with Elaine whether I spoke to her or not. She was so single-minded.”
“Then my advice is going to be the same this time.”
“Speak to JJ?”
“You have a good therapeutic relationship with her, right?”
