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“Not the words from the angry creature that made you, perhaps?”
The wine bottle stilled against my lips as I glared at him. “I have to be stronger for what I have planned. Kaden reminded me of that. That's all.”
Reggie stared at me as if he didn’t believe me. I took a long drink before letting my arm hang over the side of the tub, bottle in hand.
“Do you want to hear a story?”
Reggie waited.
“It’s how I originally got my bloody reputation.”
Reggie tipped his head in interest. “Enlighten me.”
“When I first changed, my body was adjusting, and I was adapting to my new life. I did everything Kaden said, killed who he wanted, and made a mess of it. Funny part was that I enjoyed it. Blood lust in its purest form is damn near orgasmic. Every sense is in overdrive. Kaden said it was normal when changing, but I soon learned how not normal I was. I don’t remember it happening, but I remember slipping into this pattern. My sister caught on before anyone else. She always did. Kaden noticed our connection, and slowly our visits became fewer and farther between.”
I snorted and took another drink, leaning my head back against the tub.
“I think the only time he actually liked me was when I was more like him, and I felt less mortal. It didn’t matter, though. Gabby never gave up. She would call and write, trying to find me every chance she got. Gods, I think she would have sent an army for me if she could. Eventually, she found Novas, took a boat in the middle of the night, and walked into a house of monsters. She demanded she get her sister back.”
I looked at Reggie. He hadn’t moved, unnaturally still in the same position.
“Of course, Kaden said no, so she threatened to leave me forever, and something in me snapped. I couldn’t lose my sister. I mean, I gave up my life for her. So I remembered why I changed in the first place, who really mattered, and who never gave up on me. Everything changed after that night. I stopped feeding recklessly. Kaden let me see her more, even if it wasn’t frequent enough, and the rest was history. She turned some part of me back on, I guess. I cared again, felt again. Even if I was never truly how I was before I turned.”
The bathroom grew silent.
“I don’t have that anymore.” My voice dropped, the tears filling my eyes, making the wine bottle in my hand blurry. I picked at the label with my thumbnail and continued, speaking mostly to myself. “The one person who actually loved me, who cared, who would cross oceans and face monsters to save me, is gone. I am truly and utterly alone. That’s what Kaden reminded me of when he showed me Samkiel. He got his family back, and I lost mine.”
His voice was like a whisper in the wind. “That’s where you are wrong. There is so much you have yet to do and see. You’ve only just begun.”
I rolled my eyes, sinking further into the tub. I tilted the bottle back, taking a large gulp. “You know you never make sense.”
“If I could make a suggestion.”
I sighed, raising a single brow. “Go on.”
“I would merely suggest you be more careful with whom you spend your free time. Gods, like Ig’Morruthens, are very territorial beings. To put it lightly, your attempts to drown yourself in men and women every night to erase the taste of Samkiel are in vain. It will not deter him. He sees past your illusion. I would not be surprised if he even feels your pain on some level.”
“I haven’t, not since Malone in that stupid burned hotel,” I said, pinching my lower lip between my teeth. “It helped, for a little while, indulging in others. Helped block out that void that lives in my chest now that she's gone. But I need to preserve all my energy for what’s to come. That’s what I need to focus on, and I can’t waste it on lackluster mortals who can barely perform.”
“Ah,” Reggie said. “No other reason, perhaps?”
“Like what, oh wise one?”
“That maybe your feelings for Samkiel are far stronger than you recognized?”
My lips curled into a snarl. “I feel nothing.”
“Your reactions suggest otherwise.”
I closed my eyes, refusing to look at him. It wasn’t a complete lie. No matter what I did, I just felt more and more empty. Something in me ached, something profound, lonely, and angry. I’d shoved it so far down, praying it would suffocate. Yet, even knowing how vile and manipulative he was, Kaden’s words hit something. Then, when I saw Samkiel and Imogen together, for just a moment and against my better judgment, I’d felt ill.
“Also, I hope you are aware that being betrothed means something else in the Netherworld.”
Of course, Reggie hit the mark on the head once more.
“I don’t care,” I said with a sigh, opening my eyes.
He nodded toward the bottles surrounding the tub. “This would also suggest otherwise.”
