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Xavier made a noise low in his throat but pretended to look away.
“After Samkiel what?”
Cameron folded his hands in front of himself. “Let’s just say Samkiel still believes you’re not too far gone.”
“He told the council that?”
“He tells the council a lot,” Cameron said, even as Xavier cut him a look.
“Well, he should stop.”
“Why?” It was Xavier’s turn to ask. “Do you believe you are too far gone?”
“What is this interrogation hour?” I scoffed. “Or are you two his wingmen now?”
Cameron snorted. “Let’s be honest. We both know he doesn’t need that. I know at least a dozen tightly wound council members who kill for a chance for him to bend them over one of those ivory desks.”
Whatever expression crossed my face, I was sure it matched the ire coursing through my veins. I knew if I had my fire, my hands would have sparked. I blamed the alcohol and not whatever festering emotions Samkiel had resurrected between us.
Cameron smirked and set his glass down. “You really are a jealous thing. Anyway, I prefer staying alive, so you don’t have to worry about me maiming you in Xavier’s honor.” He clapped his hands and stood up. “Okay, I am getting us more drinks. I’ll be right back.”
We watched as Cameron disappeared into the small crowd near the bar, and then Xavier smiled at me as if waiting. I rolled my eyes and sat back, pulling my feet up onto the couch. “Look, I get it. You lost someone too. Congrats, we’re in the same club. You want to bond? Cool. That’s fine, but your sister died nobly, protecting you. Mine was ripped from me because I—”
A lock rattled.
The club melted away, the council walls forming, and him—always him.
I wished I could protect him, keep him safe, and help him.
“Regardless of what happens or what you decide, I will stand by your side. I will fight this fight with you. You will not be alone, and I will do all I can to keep you safe.”
The words rushed from beneath the locked door. They banged viscously through my subconscious, and that damned headache returned tenfold. I closed my eyes tightly and pushed, shoving away the memory and all the emotions the words brought with them, once again shutting it behind heavy locks and thick chains.
My eyes shot open. The fun, the music, and the effects of the alcohol were all washed away.
A flicker of emotion passed Xavier’s face as if he’d won some prize. “Because you what?”
“Look, if you want an apology, I can’t give you one. I’ve done terrible things for my sister. I regret nothing, and I would do it again. Every. Single. Part.”
I half expected him to yell and curse me, and the smile creeping across his face surprised me.
“I don’t want an apology. I only told you because I want you to stay close to the ones who feel like sunshine, Dianna.”
His gaze turned to Cameron, who was currently making friends with every person who spoke to him.
Sunshine.
Like Samkiel.
Lights to lead us out of the most heinous darkness—that was what Cameron was to him and what Samkiel was to me. Sunshine.
I swiped my shoes off the floor and slipped them back on my aching feet. “I have to pee. Where is the bathroom?”
Xavier stood, and Cameron appeared at his side. I heard Xavier tell him where I was going as I turned away and headed down the steps. The crowd on the first floor writhed and bounced to the music. I wove through, knowing that Xavier and Cameron followed me by the commotion left in our wake. The glowing signs led me to a dimly lit hall. I paused at the door to let a few women lost in conversation exit before slipping inside. Just before the door closed, I looked back and saw Xavier and Cameron settling against the wall.
The women inside laughed and chatted, one girl fixing her makeup, her friend sitting on the edge of the long sink. I ignored them and slipped into an unoccupied stall. Tears clogged my throat, and my eyes burned. Emotions overwhelmed me, and I had no spark or flame to incinerate them, no blood to drown them out. I covered my eyes with my hands and leaned against the cold stone of the wall.
What was I doing here, laughing and having fun? I didn’t want this.
