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“Why do you care so damned much?” I grimaced.
He didn’t answer. I wondered if what he saw could be worse than what I was already going through.
“Again, why do you refuse his help?”
I took a deep breath, clenching the sheets in my hands. “Go away.”
Roccurem stared at me, his six eyes opening and turning a deep white. “What have you buried so deeply that even I cannot see?”
If I still had my fangs, I would have bared them. “Get. Out,” I snarled at him.
He faded a second later, gone in a wave of mist and smoke. I sat waiting for him to reform and make another comment to rip my emotions to shreds, but the room fell quiet once more. I calmed my ragged breathing, and I lay back down. I curled up on my side and stared at the photo, my eyes burning.
I didn’t remember falling asleep, just waking to find the sun in a different place. Gabby’s face still smiled back at me. After Roccurem’s visit, I had expected to see Samkiel’s silver light as he returned from the council, but it had been hours. Maybe he finally listened to me, and he wasn’t coming back.
I forced myself to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, and eat a slice of fruit before I sat down to tie my running shoes. A part of me hated to admit that even when we were fighting, Samkiel made existing easier just by being around. I felt cold, and the emptiness inside me was an unyielding ache that threatened to swallow me whole. I stood and walked out the door, telling myself I was just enjoying the day, not searching the sky.
“They need you. I don’t.”
That was the last thing I’d said to him. My traitorous heart twisted.
What a lie.
Fifty-Five
Dianna
I dug my hands into the soft ground as I climbed back up the hill I had fallen down. Reaching the top, I paused to catch my breath. I looked down the narrow dirt path that cut through the forest, branching in all different directions. The sun was no longer visible over the trees. I had been out here longer than I intended. Shit. I could have sworn we’d been down this path before, yet I didn’t remember the steep edge along this section.
I dusted myself off, staggering as my thigh protested the movement. Great, I would probably bruise. I sighed and headed back the way I’d come. No birds or small animals fluttered about, and I wondered if this place had any. I hadn’t seen or heard any, now that I thought about it. I stopped, noting a familiar log ahead.
I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Oh, come on! I swear I walked this way five minutes ago,” I said, realizing how utterly lost I was.
It would be so much easier if I could change forms. If I could make myself a beast or wyvern as before, I could escape and go wherever I wanted. I’d tried every day since waking up to change or summon my flames, but nothing came. Only frustration, anger, and something that felt like relief, but I refused to think about that last one too much.
All the trees and boulders looked the same here, and I couldn’t see any hint of the palace. I would probably kiss the stone floor once I reached that damned castle.
I headed back the way I’d come and let my mind wander for the first time in a really long time. I had no powers, or rather, as Samkiel liked to remind me, my powers were severely repressed, and I was stuck here for gods knew how long. Maybe the council would decide I was too terrible to exist and put an end to me. An odd sense of comfort washed over me at that thought. It wasn’t like anyone would miss me. Samkiel was probably sick of me and our constant back-and-forth bickering by now, and he had Imogen. Maybe that was why he’d stayed gone so long and hadn’t come back. She might have helped him relax after those long, torturous council meetings and my vicious words. Maybe she would slip a hand along his thigh under the table, or they would take each other behind those fancy columns I had seen the first time he brought me here. I was probably just a burden to him now, something to come back to because he had no choice.
A cold feeling washed over me, numbing my emotions. Maybe I should just get lost in the forest. It would be better for everyone, especially Samkiel. No one would look for me here, and by the time they did, I would be long gone. A pile of bones near a tree for the animals to feast on. I wondered if there was peace in the afterworld for a creature like me.
The ground shook behind me, stopping me mid-step. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Of course, the universe would check my hubris and send some giant monster to eat me.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
My shoulders bunched, and I spun around. The gorgeous blonde celestial stalked toward me. His long black jacket flowed past his calves, the gold accent buttons catching the light.
There was another thud, and the ground trembled as Xavier landed behind me. “Cameron.” His smooth voice calmed even my nerves.
Cameron stopped a foot away from me, rubbing his brow. “Sorry. Let me rephrase. Where have you been?”
“How did you find me?”
Cameron snorted. “Well, if I couldn’t find you by smell alone, you sound like a wild beast stomping through the forest.”
I lifted my arm and sniffed. Did I stink?
“Gods, look at you. Your clothes are disgusting, and you absolutely reek.” His face dropped, and he looked at Xavier behind me. “Oh, gods, if she gets sick, Samkiel will slaughter us all.”
