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“Does that really happen to you?” I asked shocked.
“Yes Juliet, that really happens. So no, I don’t really see that as a positive thing. What I see as a positive is this beautiful woman, who I am insanely attracted to, just kissed me in a park and it was the best kiss I have ever had in my life.”
“Was it really?” I ask lightly as I turn to her, looking her in the eye for the first time since our kiss finished.
“Yes, it was. Really. But you are my boss, Juliet and I should tell you now … I don’t do commitment. I am not looking for a relationship, or something serious. I am just not … made that way and I really wouldn’t want you to do anything you might later regret- a casual fling is what I can offer.”
I am her boss and taking things further with Arya would most certainly open the proverbial can of worms. We have all signed agreements to cover the hospital in regards to lawsuits. They had tried a zero tolerance policy rule but it had been highly unsuccessful, only encouraging secrets, hidden affairs that resulted in more litigation. So, they had taken a slide into the “you must notify the HR department if you begin a personal relationship with a colleague.” If I did that, the repercussions would probably mean one of us would be switched out of the department, in all probability it would be Arya but there was no guarantee. Either way, it would be a big deal. One that I wouldn’t do on the back of a casual fling. Do I even want a casual fling? Am I even a casual fling person? I never have been before.
“You are not looking for a relationship with anyone? Or just me?”
“No, no. Not just you. With anyone. I just … I fuck it up. I am not made for it. I can’t do it. I tried, really I tried so hard but I just can't. Well, anyway that isn’t important. The answer is no, not just you Juliet, with anyone. It is better this way. All I do otherwise is hurt people I care about. Does that change how you feel about me?” She asks with a sad tone that nearly breaks my resolve.
“No Arya, not at all. I don’t understand, but I don’t need to. I can accept that that is your choice.” I feel my voice changing, growing stronger, more clinical, I am moving into fact and away from feelings and this makes me feel more comfortable and confident. “I don’t know what I am looking for either, not in the slightest. But I am not sure I could start something with you, knowing it would be going nowhere. We could ruin our friendship, it has the potential to change both of our careers and I would never want to take the risk of doing that to you for something where you weren’t in it, in it. Do you know what I mean?”
She takes a pause; a deep inhale and I watch her chest fill out as her lungs fill. I think she is struggling to speak her mind, hiding behind something, but I have been open and honest and I don’t want to push her further if this isn’t what she wants. She gives herself a tiny shake before her eyes meet mine.
Except they don’t, not quite. “I think on the balance of things … we should stay as we are. Friends.”
She smiles, and I smile. I can’t stop thinking about kissing her.
“Friends.”
We fall back into normal conversation, our closeness, her ability to capture my attention, and my need to talk to her mean the silence does not linger, but we cut the afternoon short and go our separate ways. The air sits heavy with the sense of something.
For me it is regret. Regret that things ended before they ever even really began. I fall through the front door and plant myself in front of the fan. I am hot, but the noise annoys me. Everything annoys me, frustration simmers and I know the answer. I pick up my phone and open up my messages. Arya is the last person I messaged anyway so it takes me 3 seconds to find her beautiful face on my phone. My thumbs swipe, typing out all the things that I want to say. And then I delete and keep it more simple.
Juliet - Hey you …
Arya - Hey you too
I smile as her reply comes through instantly and then I feel the nerves as I imagine her sitting waiting for my reply as I type it out, word by word.
Juliet - The thing is Arya … Is that I meant every word that I said, but then a part of me, a really big part of me is saying I don’t mean it at all and that I can handle a casual fling. I can handle a one-time thing even, but I just don’t want to go the rest of my life not knowing what it was like to be with you.
I exhale a deep breath I have been holding and I wait. I see the read. Then the three dots … I know she is typing. The minutes tick by, and I am held in suspense. I feel as though I never blink. I just stare at the screen waiting to see what she says.
Arya - I feel the same. We have the Zenith conference on Wednesday afternoon so why don’t you come to mine on Tuesday evening and we can prep. Casual drinks, no pressure and see how it feels.
I nod even though she can’t see me. It is perfect, casual. We need to talk about work anyway so why not sit down and have a few drinks, we don’t need to leave until early afternoon for the presentation so we have time to … recover. I can’t help it, even the thought of recovering after a full night with Arya makes me pulse between my legs. Thankful for the fan I let the cool breeze hit me as the heat rises in my body.
Juliet - It is a date.
Arya - Do you put out on first dates?
Juliet - I guess you will have to wait and see. Sweet dreams x
I laugh to myself and I lay back against the couch. Looking out the window the sunset long goes but the lights from the bars, restaurants, and streets light up the city so it is never really dark. I have forgotten what true darkness is, the stillness of my hometown where the air was so silent it seemed thick.
But my thoughts are a long way from there tonight. As my hand slides inside my shorts and my thumb traces over the lace of my panties, all of me is wrapped up in Arya. And now I have her taste on my lips to add to the fantasy of her as I bring myself to orgasm over and over again.
7
A date, even an unofficial one, comes with a high level of expectation. Especially as Arya and I both know what is on the cards. It sends me into a mild panic. What should I wear? How should I have my hair? Should I take wine? Do I take things for sleeping over? Would that be presumptuous?
I have no idea whatsoever, but I dash out of work on Monday and head straight to the salon.
I went for the full deal. A head-to-toe pamper. I wanted painted nails, smoothed heels, waxed legs, lotioned skin. I basked in the attention and then relaxed in the spa, bubbling away in the hot tub until my fingertips went wrinkly from too much time in the water.
