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“Let’s head through to the conservatory. You don’t mind if Florence joins us, do you?”
“Of course not, Ma’am. Princess Florence will be very welcome.”
“Jess,” Alexandra called to her assistant as they walked and Jess scuttled over immediately looking about ready to burst out of her palace uniform shirt. “We will have afternoon tea in the conservatory. I’ll have cucumber sandwiches and egg and cress sandwiches and some kind of cake, whatever there is, and Julia will have…” Alexandra fixed Julia with her gaze as they walked through the palace corridors.
“I’ll have cheese and pickle sandwiches if you have them and whatever kind of cake will be fine. Thank you, Jess,” Julia said calmly.
Jess smiled and practically ran off. Her face was red as it usually was. “No problem, Ma’am. I’ll inform the kitchen,” Jess called.
The light was soft and warm in the conservatory and there were a good number of plants enjoying the ideal growing environment.
Florence rocked on Alexandra’s knee and seemed happily sleepy in the warm room.
“She’s beautiful,” Julia said, nodding at Florence. “She can barely keep her eyes open. How are you coping?”
“It never stops, motherhood,” Alexandra said. “I honestly have no idea how the average mother copes. We have three nannies and still I feel like I am barely coping.”
“Alexandra, you do amazingly well. You forget that the average mother doesn’t have triplets and the average mother isn’t trying to be the Queen in amongst it all.” Julia looked at her kindly. She had liked Alexandra the first time she had met her, Princess Alexandra as she was then. Everything she stood for was good. Julia was always proud to work for her as her advisor in matters of state and the monarchy. It had ended up being a job that was so much more than just advising the Queen.
Living in the palace, Julia was at the heart of everything. She had begun to feel like part of the family herself. Almost, but not quite.
Julia watched as Alexandra adjusted herself in her chair and screwed up her face as though in pain.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” Julia asked in genuine concern.
“Oh, please, call me Alexandra, we are alone together! My back is hurting me, that’s all. Remember, it bothered me in the pregnancy, and now it is bothering me again, I think it is all this lifting and carrying these kids. They get bigger and heavier by the day.”
Julia reached her arms forward, “Shall I take her for a bit?”
“Oh, Julia, that would be such a relief, thank you.” The Queen willingly handed over Princess Florence, who was pretty much asleep, and Julia pulled the baby into her full breast and felt her nuzzle in.
“Alexandra, I’ll organise for the physiotherapist to visit you again. I think your back needs further treatment, it shouldn’t be painful like this all the time.”
Alexandra nodded. “Thank you, Julia. That would be wonderful. I should leave the lifting to Erin in the future, I am no good for it.”
Alexandra smiled at Julia who was happily rocking a sleeping Florence and holding her close. “You are a natural, you know. I’m so very sorry for you that you never got to have children. Do you ever consider adopting? You still could, you know.” Alexandra was genuine and her eyes were kind. Julia remembered the times she had opened up to Alexandra before. Their friendship went beyond merely the professional, and Julia enjoyed it and respected Alexandra. It was a good job she had the Queen as a friend because these days she didn’t really have other friends; her work was her whole life. Even on her days off, she barely ventured out of the palace grounds.
“Oh, Alexandra, I am fifty-three years old now,” Julia chuckled, making light of something that they both knew wasn’t light for her. “My work is my life now. Can you imagine me adopting a child now?”
“We would help you, Julia, of course. Whatever you needed, we would provide. You are so valuable to me, if you chose to have children, they would absolutely be a part of the family.”
“Thank you, Alexandra. It is a very kind offer. I do wish I had had children, years ago. I’m not sure it is something I would choose to take on now, on my own.”
“What about dating?” Alexandra fixed Julia with her earnest blue eyes, the eyes that enchanted the media worldwide. I worry about you, you know? Being alone? Are you lonely?”
Julia laughed. “Oh, I miss Helen, there isn’t a day goes by when I don’t think of her and curse fate for cruelly taking her from this world. But, it was a long time ago now.” Julia felt thoughtful for a moment as she thought about the last months with her wife before she died.
“How could I possibly be lonely with all of you to keep me company?” Julia kissed the top of Florence’s blonde head. She took a deep breath. Alexandra’s eyes were sympathetic and she took Julia’s hand and squeezed it. Her fingers were pale and delicate against Julia’s smooth brown skin. Julia felt a tear bead in her eye and she willed it away.
I miss Helen. Every day, I think about her. Every day, I wish things could have been different.
Julia shook her head to try and shake the thoughts from her head.
Alexandra, as though sensing that the topic was painful for her, moved to change the subject.
“So, we will be heading to the castle for the weekend, will you handle the arrangements please?”
“Of course, you want to leave on Friday?” Julia felt relief at diving back into work. Sometimes work was the easiest way to lose yourself and hide from your feelings.
