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He had never hit her. That wasn’t his thing. He preferred to remind her who was in charge. He’d grab her just a little too tight so she knew he could hurt her if he wanted to. He would ignore her and pretend she didn’t exist. He would get in her face and dare her to challenge him. He also made sure to remind her that she couldn’t survive on a part-time job at a bookstore.
“It’s not like that. He just makes it really difficult to disagree with him,” she said, struggling to explain herself. “Don’t look at me like that, I know I sound ridiculous. There will be other open calls. Maybe I’ll just go to the benefit. I can give him a few hours of my time.”
Meka gave her a knowing look. “You do whatever you feel you need to do. Don’t do anything on my account. I will cheer you on no matter what.”
At that, Meka dropped the subject and began marking items on sale. Samantha appreciated her for not pushing the matter. She stood and began to set up the corner of the room for story time. That was her favorite part of the week. She loved spending time reading to the little kids since she didn’t have any of her own.
“Mrs. Tate!” the first kid to arrive called as she ran in, at full speed.
“Hi, sweetie! Are you excited? I know I am,” Samantha said after crouching down to eye level with the little girl.
“I wish story time was every day,” the little girl complained.
“If it was every day, you’d get bored,” her mom said from behind her. “Now let’s pick out a spot so Mrs. Tate can get ready for the rest of the kids.”
“Okay,” she agreed and took her mom’s hand before stopping to turn around. “Hey, do you like my hair, Mrs. Tate?”
Samantha looked at the two curly puffs and had to resist reaching out to touch them. Whenever she daydreamed about having kids, her little girl wore that hairstyle.
“I love your hair. Maybe I’ll wear my hair like that when I take these braids out.”
The girl giggled and found a spot on the floor with her mother. They selected a blanket from the basket and spread it out on the floor to sit down on. Samantha watched them with a wistful smile. Before long, the small space was filled with children and their parents. She had selected a few books to read and was surprised when she looked at the clock to find the hour was up.
“Okay, kiddies, that’s all for today. I’ll see you all next week, but you don’t have to wait for story hour to come visit us here,” Samantha announced with a genuine smile.
The kids filed out and Samantha was sad to see them go. For that hour, she had nothing weighing on her mind. The only thing she had to worry about was messing up any words as she read aloud. It wasn’t the same high she felt being on stage, but it did come close.
“Okay, Meka, what’s left to do?”
“Nothing. I finished everything up while you were reading to the kids.”
“Are you sure?” Samantha asked.
Meka patted down her short afro with one hand and placed her other hand on her hip. “Stop stalling and go home. You know you can call me any time, right? Day or night. If things get bad, you are more than welcome at my place.”
She wanted to argue that things weren’t that bad. She didn’t want her friend thinking she was an idiot for staying with her husband. But she also wanted to take her up on her offer.
“Thank you,” was what she settled on saying.
The apartment was dark when Samantha unlocked the door and stepped inside. The smell of vegetable soup filled the air telling her the crock pot was still on. She walked further inside and noticed Brandon’s work bag wasn’t in the usual spot in the hallway. His schedule changed so much that it was hard for her to keep up. She always made sure to prepare dinner in case he was home, but she wasn’t disappointed when he was gone.
After kicking her shoes off, she made her way to the bedroom. The tension eased from her shoulders just knowing he wasn’t home. Removing her clothes, she exchanged them for a tank top and sleep shorts before opening the binder she kept in the nightstand and flipping through her sheet music. Even though she wasn’t planning on making the audition, she still practiced her audition song and her scales.
The thought of singing in front of her husband made her uncomfortable. He mostly stayed out of her way with auditions, but he didn’t show her any support. He treated it like a hobby, and she knew she wouldn’t take it well if he criticized her singing. When they were dating, he went to her performances even though the roles were with small theaters. He hadn’t gone to any since they got married. She understood he was busy with work, but it still would be nice to have the support.
She went through her warm-ups and then sang two of her favorite audition songs. It never hurt to have two prepared just in case they asked to hear something else. Closing her eyes, she allowed the music to take her somewhere else. For the second time that day, she was transported to a place where she wasn’t worried or stressed out; a place where she could be herself.
Once she had finished, she took some more time to do something she wanted to do for a change. She enjoyed cleaning, so she turned up her favorite music and cleaned the apartment. She reorganized a few shelves and moved around some decorations. The decision to go to the benefit with Brandon felt like an even better idea once she had time alone to think. When everything was the way she wanted she went to bed, falling asleep happy with her decision to keep the peace.
She awakened to Brandon stripping from his work clothes and heading to the shower. She took in his muscular frame and classic good looks. Hopefully making the decision to put him first and keep the peace would be a step in the right direction for their marriage. She was tired of questioning why she stayed. Making a marriage successful took a lot of work. Work she was willing to put in. She still dreamed of being on the stage, but that didn’t have to come before everything else.
Sitting up against the headboard, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped them around herself while she waited for him to get out of the shower. Finally, he emerged wearing just a pair of flannel pajama pants.
“I didn’t know you were up,” he said as he tossed his wet towel into the hamper.
“I heard you come in. Can we talk about tonight?”
“There isn’t anything to talk about. You’d rather go to your audition, so you should do that,” he said simply.
