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She squeezed Bryce’s hand. Further down the street were two fire trucks with the ladders raised to meet each other at the top. Hanging between the two was a large American flag. Her eyes met Bryce’s, and everyone else in the vehicle disappeared. The two of them understood each other and no one else was important in that moment.
The door opened and Bryce stepped out before reaching a hand to help Samantha step down. He pulled her close to one side and reached out to help Meka and Rayelle while the driver stood at the open door.
Tears blurred Samantha’s vision and ringing in her ears muffled the sounds as the funeral director opened the back door of the hearse. Eight firefighters wearing full dress uniforms helped unload the casket before standing at attention. She was vaguely aware of drums and bagpipes as Amazing Grace began to play in the background.
Bryce took her hand and together they made the slow walk into the church behind the pallbearers. Firefighters stood tall in salute as they walked past. Samantha was only aware of her breathing and the pounding of her heart. Brandon was dead. His body was in the box in front of her and all eyes were on her. But she was free.
The front row of the church wasn’t so bad. She’d much rather not see the people who watched her in hopes of a dramatic reaction. One at a time men stood on the stage to say kind words about Brandon Tate. The words all blended together. Bryce sat at the end of the aisle next to Samantha. Meka sat on her other side and next to Meka sat Rayelle. Rayelle seemed to fit in with both Samantha and Meka right away. She was glad to have the small group to support her.
“…one such tradition is the ringing of the bell… when a firefighter dies in the line of duty, paying the ultimate sacrifice, it is the mournful toll of the bell that solemnly announces a comrade’s passing…” Samantha did her best to listen to what was being said, but all she heard were bits and pieces.
The bell rang three times. Samantha took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The bell rang three more times as tears began to escape. The bell rang three final times, and the tears finally flowed freely. Her husband was dead. The community was in mourning. She mourned the life she no longer had. Death was the ultimate enemy no matter what side you were on.
“It’s okay,” Bryce leaned over and whispered in her ear as they stood and watched the pallbearers take their place on either side of the casket. “I’m here.”
Drums sounded and the hum of the bagpipes began. They stood and made the slow walk behind the casket once again. Going Home sounded out from the bagpipes as they followed closely behind. Samantha tuned out the sound of the bagpipes in favor of feeling the tap of her feet as they connected with the ground at every step. Men and women saluted as they walked. They continued to salute as they stepped back into the SUV. Drums and bagpipes continued as they made the slow drive behind the hearse to the cemetery.
The tears continued and Samantha cursed herself for wasting them on a man who treated her so terribly. What kind of person cried over someone who made their life miserable? She couldn’t explain the meaning of her tears. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t angry. She simply felt more emotions than she was capable of keeping on the inside.
Bryce squeezed her hand again, reminding her that she wasn’t alone, and she was able to start regaining her composure. The bagpipes, the drums, and the firefighters were all there out of tradition. All the pomp and circumstance were simply because he was a firefighter. It had nothing to do with how good or bad of a person he was. She did her best to remind herself of that.
Chapter 7
Samantha’s hands were ice cold under Bryce’s grasp. She hadn’t said more than a few words since they left her apartment to head for the funeral service. He began to relax the closer the vehicle got to her apartment. He could only assume Samantha felt the same. She didn’t seem interested in talking and he didn’t want to push her. One thing he knew for certain was they both had a lot of emotions to sort out.
“Thank you, guys, for coming with me,” she said, breaking the silence.
Bryce gave her hands a squeeze. “We wouldn’t have it any other way. You feel better now that it’s over?”
“How terrible am I for feeling relieved?”
“Listen,” Meka jumped in. “There are no rules. You feel how you feel. And that goes for you, too, Bryce.”
He was surprised to hear Meka include him in her statement. He supposed he did need to hear it. Most of his focus had been spent trying to be there for Samantha. In being there for someone else he didn’t have to think of himself, which was a good thing. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d already grieved for his brother, but the funeral put the reality right in front of him and it was harder to handle than he’d expected.
“Thanks. We’ll get through this,” he said quietly.
“Yes. We will,” Samantha said, looking out the window as the SUV pulled up to her building.
Bryce climbed out first then held out a hand to help the other three out. Samantha was adamant about not having a repast, but he didn’t feel right just dropping her off at the door and leaving her alone. He took a moment to consider his options.
“Did you want us to come up? I hate the thought of you being alone right now,” Bryce offered.
“Don’t worry about me,” she answered with a sad smile. “I planned on using today to go through Brandon’s things and throw away whatever can’t be donated.”
“You don’t want any help?” he offered again.
“No. Don’t be offended, I told Meka the same thing,” she said with a nod toward her friend. “I know it seems crazy, but I want to be alone and go through his things just to prove to myself that I can do it.”
Bryce liked the sound of that. She was probably dealing with things in a healthier way than he was. Once the funeral events were over, he planned to move on with his life the same way he had the first time. He’d spend the night in the city and have drinks with his friend. Then, once he got home, he would pick things up where he left them before the accident.
“That doesn’t sound crazy at all. We’ll be staying in the city tonight. Let me know if you want company or if you want to get out of the house and hang with us. Somehow Rayelle has turned this into a girls’ trip with her fancy room and breakfast mimosas, so feel free to join in,” he offered.
Rayelle’s jaw dropped before she gently shoved him. “I have not! But seriously, Samantha. After you’ve taken some time for yourself and done whatever you need to do, you should meet up with us. We don’t have a real plan so don’t worry about interrupting or intruding.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.”
Rayelle pulled her in for a hug. “I hope to hear from you. I’ll have Bryce text you my number and where we’re staying so you have it.”
