Page 68 of The Sweetest Taboo


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She looked at me quizzically. "You know you live in Montana, right?"

"I do, yes, but if there are days in the week where you need help…maybe I can figure something out." No, I couldn't. Ranch work was 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

"I have Mick and Art, even Sol and Bea. I have help."

"Maybe I should sell the ranch," I murmured. I could live in New York then, see Flora and Isha every day, not just on weekends for a few hours here and there.

"Have you lost your marbles?"

"It's just a thought. It would take some time to find a buyer."

"You love your ranch. It's your family's legacy."

"What family?" I asked wearily. “Ace, the brother who has apparently been competing with me all his life? My stepmother who wants to make sure I don't screw her on her allowance because she lives beyond what my father left her? My nieces, yes. But they're Caitlyn and Ace's kids. When Caitlyn is pissed with me, she limits my access to her kids. That family?"

Isha put a hand on my shoulder. "You love your nieces. They must love you. How do they handle Caitlyn's interference?"

"They call me. They used to cry when they were little. Now…they roll with the punches. What else is there to do? But Caitlyn tires of them quickly and leaves them at the house. She goes away traveling, partying, or what you have it; and Ace joins her. Then they're all mine." I leaned back on the chair, feeling a bone-deep tiredness. It wasn't work that was exhausting me. It was living like I was merely surviving. It took so much energy to feel nothing all the time.

"And Ace?"

"He's…I don't know…like he always was. All hat and no cattle. I gave him a job so he can pretend to work. But he just draws a salary. He and his family are taken care of."

She yawned, and then stretched. There were dark circles under her eyes. She needed to get some sleep.

I looked at my watch. "I should go."

"Where are you staying? At your apartment?"

"At a hotel. Deb is in New York this week."

She licked her lips and took a deep breath. "I don't want to be in a relationship with you."

I tucked some loose hair behind her ear. "I know, baby."

"You don't have to come to New York."

"I know I don't have to. I want to."

She looked me in the eye. "You told me if I said it to your face, you'd go away. That's what I'm doing, saying it to your face."

I was used to being alone, but since those short weeks in the summer with Isha, I'd been lonely. But no one else would do. It was Isha or bust!

"And you won't miss me?"

"No."

Her lips trembled. My heart ached.

"You don't love me?"

"No." She looked away.

"Look at me, Isha, and tell me you don't want me."

She looked at me, her face stiff. "I don't want you."

"If I walked away and never came back, you wouldn't regret it?" I asked, my heart in my hand. She was sending me away. I was fighting for a chance, and she wasn't giving it to me.

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