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Rowan
She let me put Flora to bed. I did that with my nieces all the time, but that Isha would let me lightened my heart.
Granted, Flora had asked if I could read to her, and Isha had agreed.
"You don't live in New York," Flora asked as she lay in bed, looking up at me as I sat next to her, reading a new book I'd got her about ranch life.
"That's correct. I live in Montana."
"Like the cows in the book."
I smiled. "Exactly like that."
"Do you have cows?"
"Cows and horses."
She exhaled. "Do you have mountains like in the book?"
"Yes. Tall ones. In the winter, they're covered in snow."
"I'd love to see a mountain."
I wanted to tell her she could come and visit me anytime, but we weren't there yet. Isha was skittish as hell around me. I'd told her that Ace would like to talk to her, and she'd shut that down immediately. We had a long way to go before she'd trust a Ledger. I didn't blame her or even Ace. I blamed myself.
"We can make that happen, I'm sure," I whispered.
She closed her eyes. "You can now kiss me goodnight."
I chuckled. A girl after my own heart. I kissed her forehead and looked at her fluttering eyelids.
If I'd had the sense to keep Isha with me, would we now be married with children? Would I go to sleep each night in a warm bed and wake up to my wife and the sound of my children laughing and making memories?
I'd never wanted to marry. After seeing the debacle of my father's second marriage, I wanted nothing to do with that institution. But now, as I sat here, watching this beautiful child sleep, I wished she was mine. I wished Isha was mine. That this was our home, and afterward, we'd sit and watch television like an old couple, and then go to bed talking about pick up and drop off schedules. We'd make love, and I'd hug her and kiss her whenever I wanted. I wouldn't feel like I won the lottery when I put my child to bed, because my whole life would be amazing.
I kissed a sleeping Flora on her cheek, tucked her in, and turned off the light. I closed her door, leaving it just slightly open as I'd been instructed by both mum and daughter.
Isha was working on her laptop at the dining table, her face scrunched up as she typed furiously.
She was in shorts and a tank top, her home uniform, and she looked amazing.
"She asleep?" she asked, smiling at me, and my breath caught. Christ! How had I let this woman go? How had I been so fucking blind?
"Yeah." I sat next to her on a dining chair. "What are you working on?"
She stretched. "Financials for the clinic. My two partners are daft when it comes to numbers."
"How is business?"
"Good. Busy. I've been thinking about pulling out and going back to the hospital, where my hours are more controlled. I feel like I'm juggling time with Flora, with patients, paperwork…everything."
I put my hand on her bare thigh. "What's stopping you?"
"My budget," she frowned. "Right now, with daycare, the house and the car…I just can't. Maybe in a year or so. We’ll see."
I wanted to tell her I'd buy her condo for her and pay off her car. Whatever she wanted. But we were not there…yet. If I tried to give her money, she'd bite my head off.
"How can I make things easier for you? Do you need help with picking up and dropping off Flora at kindergarten?"
