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I’m not going to fight my best friend. It won’t achieve anything, and Cash might be strong, but I’ll fuck him up and he has to know that.
“Cash,” I say, and take a deep breath. “I should never have made that promise.”
“I don’t give a fuck whether you should have made it or not. You did. You swore you would stay away from her. You are damaged fucking goods, and she doesn’t need a man like you drifting in and out of her life. You can’t give her what she needs.”
“And you know what Hannah needs.”
His hands contact my chest again and he pushes. This time, I don’t budge. “She’s my sister,” he roars, pushing his forehead against mine.
I push him back a step. “I’m in love with her.”
Cash’s rage seeps away. “What?”
“I am in love with Hannah,” I say. “And it’s taking every fucking ounce of self-control I have not to go over there and tell her that I want her to stay in Heatstroke. That I need her in my life. I have spent weeks in fucking therapy trying to fix myself for her. I have listened to everything she needs and tried to accommodate her, so forgive me, Cash, but I do not give a fuck whether you like it or not. I don’t give a fuck about our promise. I would crawl across burning coals to get to your sister. I would take a bullet to the head for her. I would literally beat your ass if you stood in my way. I love her, and I do not give a fuck what you think about it.”
Cash opens and shuts his mouth.
“And quite frankly, brother, she’s her own woman. You don’t get to tell her what she can and can’t fucking do. I shouldn’t have to tell you that,” I say.
Cash stands there with a mouth full of teeth and says sweet fuck all.
I turn back to the punching bag and set to work.
Cash folds his arms and watches me in silence. “You’ve been going to therapy?”
I catch the bag in both hands as it swings back to me. “Yeah.”
“For weeks?”
“Yeah, it hasn’t been long, but I’m going to keep at it. Even after Hannah leaves. Fuck, especially after she leaves, because fuck me, that’s going to hurt,” I say, and it feels good to get it out.
“It’s going to hurt?”
I stretch out my arms. “Yeah. What?”
His mouth has dropped open. He snaps it shut and scratches under his dark, close-cut beard. “Just never heard you talk about your feelings before.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No, it’s just… yeah, it’s different.”
“What should I do, not talk about them because I’m a guy?” I ask.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Cash replies. “You’re different, that’s all. You never used to talk about shit, and all of a sudden you’re talking about feelings. Just how good is this therapist of yours?”
“She’s great,” I say. “But it’s not just her. It’s Hannah too.” I go over to my workout bench and sit down on it, resting my forearms on my thighs. “Don’t know how to describe it, but this has been like a dam wall breaking under strain. It’s been sixteen fucking years of trying to cope with what happened to Charlotte and my baby girl. And then trying to deal with who I became afterward when I joined that club. I don’t want to do it on my own any more, and Hannah helped me realize that I don’t have to.”
Cash pulls his lips into a line and nods. “Well, damn, okay. Good for you. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I grab a towel and wipe my hands on it.
“And you’re just going to let her leave?”
“I’m not going to let her do anything,” I say.
“You know what I mean, Savage. You’re in love with her, and you’re going to watch her walk away? Without telling her?”
“Yeah. I don’t want her to stay on account of me,” I say. “I want her to live a life that makes her happy, and I can't make her happy out here.” I gesture to the ranch. “She won’t want to live out here, all alone. She wants to travel and see the world.”
