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On the way back, we traded stories about our lives since the day we met with our fingers intertwined. I told him about my time in high school, and picking a college far enough away that I could get out of the house. He told me about his time in a corner bar after getting to New York, before he’d gotten into Experience.
I told him how I’d talk to him and imagine him coming back for me when I was lonely, and he told me how hard it was to adjust to having people around who cared. I told him about meeting Shell, and he told me about Kendall and their unlikely friendship.
Our lives took different paths, both fueled by an insatiable, invariable loneliness. And that loneliness grew more pronounced with every passing mile.
As we drove, as if compelled by short time, Raph grew more formal. Gradually, he slipped back into his role as my boss, not as my lover and long-lost escape. Both hands on the wheel.
Nerves danced in my stomach, growing more insistent until we pulled into the lot of my apartment building.
“When will you be prepared to present your plans for Experience Shoreview?”
“Oh, uh, I sent the final plans to my boss. As soon as I get the green light, we can move forward. Tentatively tomorrow afternoon as scheduled?”
“That guy from the meeting?”
“That’s the one.”
“You don’t want to take another day?”
“I said I’d deliver, and I’ll do it.”
His lips pressed into a thin line as he thought it through. “Tomorrow afternoon, then.”
Bile threatened to rise in my throat. We lived in borrowed time. “Do you want to come up? It’s late.”
Raph closed his eyes on a sigh. “We both need rest. I should head to a hotel.”
I shrank back from the cold in his words. The show was over. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, then.” I opened the car, grabbed my bag, and stepped out. “Bye, Raph.”
All he did was nod. I blinked back tears as I turned away and closed the car door with a finalizing thunk.
He didn’t wait for me to get inside before he drove away.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I climbed the stairs to my floor. Every step was a struggle against my breaking heart.
Why did he spend the day with me, tell me stories, listen to mine? He wanted nothing more from me, so why take the time? Hopeless questions swam through my mind.
It was late, but I knew I couldn’t sleep. I flopped down on couch and booted up my laptop to look over my designs and check my missed emails.
The designs were perfect, ready for my meeting with Raph. The lines were crisp and told a story, the colors were on-theme, and everything had links to potential vendors and prices. It was exactly what I wanted.
I went above and beyond, and my empty mailbox didn’t shake that confidence. Now if I could only be that confident with Raph the man like with Raph my temporary boss.
Once I finally climbed into my cold, lonely bed, my tears had dried into an uncomfortable numb. A few nights and a day with Raph had him under my skin. My chest ached, a barren chasm.
What was that look in his eye? Tears welled in my eyes again and I blinked them away. I knew this going in, and was receiving what I’d agreed to. So why did it feel like getting hit by a train?
Wind-driven rain tapped against my window, reminding me it was time to return to reality, and that reality was just as cold and unfriendly as ever. I had to meet with Derrick this morning to discuss my design work, since he refused to be professional, instead opting for pettiness. Then after, I’d meet with Raph who might as well be a stranger, my temporary boss who expected excellence.
Why am I not over the moon with excitement?
This was the defining moment of my career. The golden opportunity to get out of the kick line and show my boss what I’m worth. I could get a raise, better projects, and live the life I always dreamed of. Except one thing…
“Oh, Hey, Lia. I didn’t know you were even here. Welcome back, babe.” Shell said as she passed my bedroom.
But she saw the gloom radiating off of me, and her smile faltered. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Sleepy.” Then, “You’re awake.”
