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It had been mere hours since I saw her. She needed time to get all her notes incorporated and to pull something together. And if her mind was even half as scattered as mine by our afternoon, I couldn’t expect an early turnaround. I turned my attention back to my email.
The staff at Experience requested we push their meeting to Sunday night. I replied, agreeing to the change, and adjusted my calendar accordingly. The change left me twiddling my thumbs. I growled and pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes.
The ceaseless waiting left my mind free to reflect on my actions, and they weren’t great. I’d slept with an employee.
God, she’d been so tight and responsive.
I was a wolf, and she was a delicious doe in tight, dark jeans that showcased her irresistible little ass. They hugged her legs right up to the gap between her slender, shapely thighs. I gritted my teeth. A man only had so much willpower.
The whole thing was so irresponsible, not to mention insane. I had already gone too far. But mere hours later, I itched for more Lia. My leg bounced under the desk.
She dominated my brain, and I floundered while I tried to get back to work. The numbers and figures blurred together until I squeezed my eyes shut, defeat and irritation taking over.
I needed every available second to catch up on paperwork, check in at Aire, and deal with their issues and log reports. No time for daydreaming. It was a rookie move to get caught up in lust. I was better than that; more seasoned.
This is ridiculous.
I attempted to emulate Geoff’s decision-making process, but wasn’t sure if I succeeded. Had I hired Lia for talent, or because I was attracted to her? I thought it was the former, but my behavior pointed to the latter.
‘Find more success than I found in life.’
I didn’t know how I was supposed to find greater things than Geoff had; I didn’t feel I could fill those shoes. I would never stop trying to make his memory proud. Though at times like these, it seemed the harder I tried, the more life got in my way.
The more I got in my own way.
Geoff had never been involved with anyone romantically. He dismissed it whenever it was mentioned, telling people their lives were shaped by priorities. It was true, and I mirrored the sentiment. I didn’t need relationships; I needed success.
That trait was why Geoff picked me as his successor over Kendall or anyone else working for Experience. At least my track record was solid. I improved the profits at both Experience and Aire by fair margins, and Experience Shoreview was shaping up much the same. Why didn’t it feel good enough?
Because I’m still in Shoreview and can’t stop thinking about the girl.
I remembered the day I left for New York like it was yesterday. The girl’s young lonely face haunted me the whole ride. Why did she look as lost as I felt? Could she see her pain mirrored in me, too?
The next time I saw her, I wanted to give myself closure and ask for the truth; if she remembered. I meant to ask before we slept together, but the heat of the moment won. It didn’t change the facts, though.
I still wanted to know why she had been so sad, why she’d been hiding. I wanted to know what her life was like back then, and more about her now. It had nothing to do with the design project she was hired for, but I couldn’t circumnavigate my curiosity. Lia was a piece of who I was.
Whether it was stupid, impulsive, or otherwise, I pulled out my phone.
Raph: How are the designs coming along?
Safe, business-focused communication.
I stared at the message longer than I should have. She didn’t even see it. I erupted from my chair and paced the room like a caged tiger.
On edge didn’t begin to cover it.
Chapter Fourteen
Lia
Bursts of exhausted sleep carried me to morning, but the creaking, shifting, and rustling prevented any rest. When the sun was high enough in the sky to chase the vermin back to their hiding spots, I got up for a walk and maybe some breakfast before Mom’s appointment.
I unplugged my phone and hit the power button. While it powered on, I checked my bag for any creepy-crawlies and packed my charger cord inside. After ensuring I had everything I came with, I smoothed the bedspread and made my way down the cluttered hallway. At the bottom of the stairs, I had to move more carefully to reach the front door; the front room was most heavily burdened with Mom’s habit. Bugs crawled on the wall to my right, and I whimpered.
How had I dealt with this? How did my mom deal with it? The situation felt scary and hopeless. I chose my footholds with care and held my arms out for balance as I moved toward the door. When I reached it, I realized Mom hadn’t even locked it before going to sleep in the same place she’d been when I got in. Her soft snores reached my ears from her spot on the dining room loveseat.
The crisp air outside hit my nostrils, and a breathed a sigh of relief. The air smelled fresh, pure, and green, despite Fall being in full swing.
