AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"I might be staying here on Risda," Ruth-Ann says.
I pull out of her arms, shocked. "What?"
She shrugs. "I haven't decided yet, but Erzah's going to need human advice for his bar.”
A watery little snort escapes me. Erzah might act like he's wanting to be a bar kingpin, but the truth is...he is clueless about the business, just like most of the a’ani. Same with Aithar and Zaemen. "Port has no idea what they're getting into."
"Exactly. And he's going to need help with the books. I asked him what sort of inventory system he was going to use and he didn't know what inventory was."
"...and?" Ruth prompts.
"And what?" Ruth-Ann turns to her.
"And the chick that runs the baking stand is really hot? Salvotor told me all about her. You like her, don't you?"
"That has nothing to do with it," Ruth-Ann says primly and then tucks her hair behind her ears in that way she does when she's bluffing.
"Uh huh." Ruth clearly doesn't believe her. She nudges me again. "So Ruth-Ann is staying. Kaz is staying. I'm going. Straik is going. I mean, not right away, but eventually. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know," I whisper. I think of my coin, but I can't flip it. I can't. What if it makes a decision I hate? What if it's the wrong decision and I left it up to chance?
"If you stay on the ship, you'll always be Ruth's clone," Ruth-Ann says, tone blunt.
I flinch.
"Jesus Christ, stab her in the heart, why don't you?" Ruth exclaims.
It's harsh but...she's right. Ruth is married—not just mated, but officially married—to Lord Straik sa'Rin. I'll always be her sister, but I'll be secondary. The extra. The clone, because the crew knows I'm a clone of Ruth. They've never thought of her as a clone of me, just the other way around. Never mind that we're both clones.
Is that why Ruth-Ann is leaving? She wants to get out of Ruth's shadow? I'm a little surprised, because she's never indicated that she's unhappy or unsettled, like me. If anything, Ruth-Ann is the most settled of the three of us. Ruth is hotheaded and I'm a chicken. It's Ruth-Ann that's the logical one.
"I'm not saying it to be hurtful," Ruth-Ann continues. Her tone is even and mild. "I just know that Ruthie struggles with feeling a sense of self. Perhaps living away from your shadow will allow her to be more comfortable in her own skin. Give her time to be just Ruthie and not one of the Ruth-clones."
I stare at her. It sounds so reasonable and assured that I wonder if she's had these thoughts before. "I...I don't know."
"You can do it," Ruth-Ann says calmly. "You're stronger than you think. Why don't you try an experiment? Live in town for a week. Disappear into Port and see what it's like to be on your own. You've never been on your own, have you?"
I frown. "Of course I have. I have memories..." I trail off, because they're giving me sympathetic looks. Yeah, we all have memories. Memories of someone that we're not. Memories of the OG Ruth. "Right. Okay, yeah, ever since I ended up in space, I haven't been alone."
"I dare you, then," Ruth-Ann says. "I dare you to stay in town for a week by yourself. No help from anyone. Be independent for the first time."
Ruth gives her a look of disapproval. "I don't think she's ready."
I'm hurt that Ruth thinks so little of me. "It's just a week. I can do that."
"I mean, I don't know..." Ruth shrugs.
I nudge her, irritated. "I'll be just fine, thanks. It's just a week. That's nothing. And Port is safe. There's tons of humans and I can rent a room and no one will hurt me here. It's the perfect place to try out being on my own."
"If you're sure," Ruth drawls...and then a smile curves her mouth.
Ruth-Ann giggles.
Well, shit. I've walked into their trap. "You guys suck."
A few hours later, I have a bag packed and I head into Port with Zaemen at my side. Kazex is still working on the ship, and I've discreetly avoided him. I don't want him to know I'm going until I'm already gone.
The more I think about it, the more that I like the idea of being on my own for a week. I want to try it. I want to see if I can really be on my own, or if I'm so weak that I have to cling to Ruth or Ruth-Ann or Kazex for the rest of my life. I know I'm a much meeker sort than Ruth is. There's nothing wrong with being meek.
But I need to prove to myself that I'm not weak.
My sisters help me pack my bag, but they won't go into town with me. "You need to do that on your own," Ruth says. "We'll send Zaemen as a bodyguard, but beyond that, it needs to be all you, baby."
