Okay, Kazex is a deep sleeper. That's kind of cute. I get out of bed and move to cover him with the blanket...and then pause.
He's mouth-wateringly beautiful. If Michelangelo's David had decided to sprawl in bed, he'd look a lot like Kazex does in this moment. Not entirely like David, though, I can't help but notice. He's got much bigger equipment than the renaissance masters ever gave their perfect statue forms. He's huge. I've never given much thought to Kazex's cock until this moment and now I can't stop staring. I mean, I knew he had a cock. But Kazex has a cock. The bulge of it pressing against his trou is intense, and my fingers itch to touch him. Just to see if it's all really part of him or if his pants are giving me the illusion that he's packing.
Because...damn.
I stare for a good long minute, blinking. He shifts in the bed, smacking his lips and scratching low on his belly before he reaches down and adjusts himself. I watch him handle himself and something hot and pleasurable clenches deep inside me.
I'm such a pervert, because I want him to keep touching himself...and I want to watch.
Biting my knuckle, I force myself to set down the blanket and walk away. Walk away, Ruthie, I chant to myself. If you want a show, all you have to do is ask. You know Kazex will give you one. I slip out of his room, heading for the showers, and contemplate returning to his rooms later and asking him to touch himself for my benefit.
But what if I pull him away from Ruth-Ann if I ask for him to jerk off for me? It feels unfair to him if I ask for sexual displays and then decide that the attraction I have for him isn't mine but the old Ruth's and I'm just feeling leftovers.
I hate this. I hate that my mind is such a mess. I wish I could just pounce on him and kiss him for hours. I wish I could straddle him and just ride his cock until we both came, but I know it would mean a lot to Kazex, and I don't want to break him.
He gave me his heart the very first day I stepped on this ship and I'm terrified of trampling it. He means too much to me for me to just use him. Kazex deserves the best, and until I can figure myself out, he's off limits.
Frustrated, I linger in the nice cold shower. Even that won't soothe my thoughts. It's not like I can masturbate in the shower. Everyone would know, because the a'ani have a keen sense of smell and the showers are set up like a gym shower. Even if I did have privacy and the other women on the ship weren't in there, I'd still feel weird leaving the scent of hot pussy behind in my wake.
I just need to think pure thoughts. Lots and lots of pure thoughts.
The moment I step under the shower spray, Ruth-Ann appears in the shower a few paces away and sets her towel on the bar. "There you are. Where'd you run off to?"
Ugh. I don't hate Ruth-Ann, but I hate that she's always around when my head is feeling the messiest. "Just needed some space. I hung out with Kazex."
She nods, turning on her shower. "You want to practice together today in the training room? I need to brush up on my footwork."
"Can't. I'm going down to Port with Kazex and Erzah." I'm glad for the excuse, too. Actually, I'm mostly glad to be spending the day with Kazex. Just being around him makes me happy.
Instead of taking the hint, Ruth-Ann brightens. "Oh, I'll go with you guys! That'll be fun. I've been wanting to get out and stretch my legs anyhow."
Great. Now my day gets to be spent with Ruth-Ann tagging along. I manage a weak smile and try not to think dark thoughts. She's my clone. She's my sister. I can't hate her. She's my clone-sister.
But jeez, can't she read the damned room?
CHAPTER
EIGHT
KAZEX
When Ruthie turns up a short time later, she's wearing a black bodysuit that matches the crew bodysuits, and her short hair has been stiffened into what she calls a “mohawk.” It only emphasizes her dark eyes and delicate features, and I love that she is taking control of her appearance. The a'ani constantly tattoo themselves or get piercings or mess with their hair simply to differentiate themselves, so I understand trying to stand out in a sea of cloned faces.
Her smile is faint when she arrives, and I can immediately tell something's bothering her. When Ruth-Ann trails in after her, wearing her sleek hair in a short ponytail and a similar bodysuit, I can guess what it is. Something about Ruth-Ann's presence bothers my Ruthie far more than Lady Ruth, the other clone and Lord Straik's beloved wife. Is it that Ruth-Ann is the newest to arrive or is there something else at play that I'm unaware of?