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“You’re acting really childishly, and you can’t even see it!” she says. “Come on. Does your brother have anyone else in his life who cares about him?” It’s not rhetorical; Evie waits for an answer.
Let me think. Douchebag friends. Self-absorbed father. Mother who’s long gone. “Not really,” I say reluctantly. “But most people don’t have anyone who cares about them. I never did, and I’m doing just fine.”
“Are you?” Evie asks.
I put my hands on my hips, grind my teeth. It’s been a long day. I’m jet-lagged, exhausted, furious at the mess in my apartment and the destruction of my plans. And Evie hasn’t even acknowledged that I told her I’m falling for her, which is embarrassing in its own way. At least I didn’t make the string quartet stay to witness this.
“Look,” I say. “This is getting out of hand. I know it sounded harsh but trust me. Jack will be back, begging for me to continue to let him live rent- and responsibility-free here. And I’ll let him. That’s how our relationship works.”
Evie’s chin is raised, her jaw firm. Behind her eyes quivers a decision. “Well it shouldn’t work like that.”
“I know my brother much better than you do, Evie.”
“I know,” she says softly. “But I thought I knew you better.”
There’s something horribly final in her tone.
“What are you saying?” I ask dumbly.
“I’m saying that if you think this is a normal way to treat the people you’re supposed to love, I don’t want any part of it.”
My heart lurches, plummets. It leaves my body and sinks down, down, down to the core of the Earth where it’s immolated in a flash of fire, leaving behind only dust.
“Evie…” I say. “This isn’t fair. Not everyone gets to have the picture-perfect suburban family!”
“No,” she agrees. “Some children have to get saddled with terrible families. You know what that’s like, so I can’t fathom how you could let your own brother experience it too.”
“I paid for his expensive high schools. I let him go on trips with his friends. I let him smoke weed on my balcony for Christ’s sake. All I asked was for him to get a job and a GED, to take a couple college classes. But that was too difficult for him!” I feel like I’m going crazy. I gesture wildly around us. “Look what he did to my apartment!”
“I don’t know what the right answer is, Nick,” Evie says. “I just know that I recently broke up with one asshole, and I don’t want to start dating another one.”
I turn away from her, wiping my face. “So I’m an asshole now? If that’s how you feel then leave. We have nothing more to say to each other.”
She doesn’t argue, just turns toward the elevator. She makes it about halfway before I go after her.
“Wait!” I say. I hate how desperate I sound. But I’ve just gotten my first taste of happiness. How can I let her walk out that door so easily?
I stop at her side, put my hands on her arms. “I’m sorry, Evie,” I say. “We can work this out.”
Evie looks up into my eyes sadly and gently removes my hands. “I don’t think we can, Nick,” she says. “Because you still don’t see that I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
I stand limp, boneless. After all these years I finally know what I want. And it’s all blowing up in my face.
She walks to the elevator and gets in. I look away. I can’t bear to watch the doors close on her.
I stand there for a long time before finally forcing my feet to the nearby couch. I collapse onto it. It’s sticky from where someone spilled beer across the leather. The scent of liquor and roses is so strong it causes my head to ache.
Ruined. All because of Jack.
No… A little, annoying voice buzzes in my ear. All because you had an adult temper tantrum.
Yes, okay, fine. I lost my shit a little bit. But what the hell did she expect? Holding parties in my house was a complete insult. After everything I’d done for him. After… My mind drifts back to our fight before I left, when I’d dipped out on visiting Dad. Then it drifts down the lane of voice mails I’d left him, each angrier than the next.
But what the hell do I know? What kind of parenting advice had I ever gotten? What examples had I had to follow?
I rub my eyes. Evie is probably right, as she is about most things. Stepping outside of myself, maybe I have been too harsh on Jack. But I’ll apologize when he comes home. Because I may be doubting everything right now, but I still know for a fact that he’ll be back.
Evie is another matter.
