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She twitches backward, withdrawing like I’m poisonous. It’s only a flicker, but the rebuke is clear. It burrows itself into my heart like a tick. My mouth settles into a firm line.
Still, I try to power through. I’d repeated the speech in my head over and over on the flights home. I’m not ready to abandon it, to admit that this scenario is very different from the one I’d envisioned.
“Evie,” I say. “I’m falling in love with you.”
Her big blue eyes widen, surprised, barely comprehending.
“I know it’s soon,” I say. The words tumble out of me and deep inside I’m screaming at myself to shut the fuck up. But I can’t stop myself. It all feels out of my control.
“But I can’t keep it in any longer. I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with you more than any that I can remember. I want to give this a shot. So what do you say?”
A long, long beat of silence. It’s so long and so quiet that I can hear the blood rushing past my ears. It doesn’t sound like the sea. It sounds like a tsunami, moments from crashing over me and sweeping me away.
Finally Evie speaks and her voice is somehow even worse than the silence.
“Nick.” I never want to hear her say my name like that again.
“What’s the matter?” I ask softly.
She blinks rapidly. “What the hell was that?”
I stare at her not comprehending.
Evie gestures wildly at the elevator.
Another stab of anger at my little brother. “It was nothing,” I say. “Family bullshit. Part of the package unfortunately.”
Evie takes a deliberate step backward, her face twisting to disbelief. “How could you talk to your brother like that?”
I frown, struggle to contain an uncharacteristic burst of defensiveness. “You don’t understand the history there. I know…” I clench my jaw. “Look, this is far from the first time we’ve fought. He’ll be fine. He needed to hear it.”
“That you don’t want him in your life anymore?”
Yeah, that probably crossed the line. But still, I scowl. “He knows I don’t mean it. I was just angry.”
“Does he?”
I put my hands on my hips. I don’t like this a bit. What right does Evie have to come into my home and judge my family? She has absolutely no idea what our relationship is like.
“I don’t tell you how to talk to your siblings,” I say.
“I don’t have any siblings,” she says pointedly.
“Well then you shouldn’t talk about shit you know nothing about.” Even to me, the words sound defensive, surly. How has this dissolved so quickly?
Evie crosses her arms. We’ve argued enough for me to recognize her digging her heels in. I can deal with it at work where it’s her job to keep me guessing, but here? In my personal life? I won’t be made to feel ashamed over this. She has no idea.
“I wouldn’t talk to anyone that way. And he’s a child. He looks up to you.”
I scoff. “Okay, one, he’s not a child. He’s eighteen. And two, he absolutely does not look up to me.”
“What other role models does he have? Who else is looking out for him?”
“That’s why he’s so goddamn frustrating!” I say. “You want to know who his role model is? Our deadbeat father who’s sitting in prison. Dad coddles him and tells him what he wants to hear, and makes me out to be worse than Satan. Meanwhile I’m the one who has to look out for him because Dad can barely take care of himself, let alone a kid. And what thanks do I get?” I raise my hands at the room.
Evie sighs. “Yeah, the party sucked. It was completely irresponsible. But you’re a grown man, Nick. Jack is a teenager whose father is in prison. You expect him to be mature, but you’re acting like a kid yourself.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Are you seriously calling me names right now?”
