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A lump forms in my throat as the realization settles in. "I've been so hard on Jake," I confess, the words barely a whisper. "He's been supportive, and here I am, acting as if I must do this alone. I guess... I guess I've been afraid to rely on anyone else."
Joanie reaches across the table, her hand warm on mine. "It's hard, letting go of that fear. But Jake isn't him, Mia. I can tell you're afraid because Emily's father wasn't there for you when you were pregnant. He's here, present, and wants to be a part of this. Don't push away the one person committed to sharing this journey with you."
Her simple yet profound words are a balm to my weary heart. My eyes meet hers, gratitude welling up within me. "Thank you, Joanie. Not just for the tea but for this—for helping me see what I've been too blind to notice. I need to talk to Jake, really talk to him. It's time to start this journey together truly."
I leave Joanie's house with a renewed sense of purpose, the conversation replaying in my mind. It's a dialogue that I'm eager to continue with Jake. Realizing that I've been carrying unnecessary weight alone when I have a partner ready and willing to share the load feels humbling and liberating.
I'll tell Jake everything after Dylan and Emily are in bed tonight. About my fears, hopes, and desire for us to be partners in every sense. For the first time in what feels like forever, I'm not just hopeful for the future - I'm excited to build it, together.
The night wraps around Jake’s home in a comforting silence, the children's laughter and footsteps now quieted by sleep. I stand in Jake’s bedroom, folding the last of the day's laundry, feeling the weight of all the thinking I’ve done all day.
Jake is brushing his teeth, and the rhythmic sound is somehow both mundane and intimate. In these simple, shared moments, I find my courage bubbling to the surface. The urge to confront the distance between us that I can tell is slowly growing larger.
He turns off the faucet, wiping his mouth with a small smile as he catches my eye in the mirror. "You okay?" he asks, his voice laced with bedtime tiredness and genuine concern.
I nod, setting the folded clothes aside, my heart thumping against my ribcage. "Jake, we need to talk," I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
He pauses, a flicker of something crossing his face—perhaps resignation, or apprehension? "Mia, I don't want to argue tonight," he says gently, turning to face me, his eyes searching mine.
I close the distance between us, taking his warm, calloused hands in mine. "I don't want to argue either," I assure him, squeezing his hands. "I... I need to apologize, Jake."
He looks puzzled but listens, his expression softening.
"I've made you feel like you're not part of this pregnancy, our family. It is like I'm still a single parent, and that's not fair. To you, to me, or to us," I confess, the words trailing off into the quiet of our room.
Jake's eyes hold mine, a world of emotions passing between us in a silent language we've come to understand. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, his voice a rumbling whisper against my hair.
"Mia, all I've ever wanted is to be here for you, Emily, and our baby. For you to understand that Dylan also likes you two being around. I know you're used to doing everything independently, but you no longer have to. We're in this together."
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, his acceptance and understanding washing over me like a cleansing rain. "I know, and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to see that. I've been so afraid of repeating the past that I've been pushing you away," I murmur into his chest.
He lifts my chin. His gaze is intense but gentle. "We're not our past, Mia. We're our present, and we're going to build our future together. Whatever fears you have, we'll face them as a team."
The simplicity and conviction in his voice lift a burden I didn't fully realize I was carrying. I nod, finally allowing myself to lean into the partnership we've been building. "I love you, Jake. And I promise to be better at this and better at us."
He smiles the kind of smile that reaches his eyes and makes the room brighter. "I love you too, Mia. We've got this together."
The promise of 'together' has never felt more real or attainable as we stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, the foundation of our future solidifying with every heartbeat.
As Jake's arms envelop me, a sanctuary of warmth and security, I find the courage to confront the turmoil. "You know," I start, voice barely above a whisper, "I didn't fully grasp the weight of my actions until now. It's like I've been on autopilot, convinced I had to brace the world on my shoulders. Especially after everything with Emily's dad... It made me feel like depending on someone else was setting myself up for another fall."
Jake listens, his eyes reflecting a sea of patience and understanding. He nods, urging me to continue.
"I mean, when I found out I was pregnant with Emily, it was like the ground beneath me had crumbled. I had to rebuild my life, brick by brick, on my own. And I thought I was doing fine, strong even. But now, having you here, showing me what true support feels like..." My words trail off as I search for the strength to admit my vulnerabilities.
He gently tilts my head up, ensuring I meet his gaze. "Mia, love doesn’t make you weak, and relying on someone else doesn’t mean you’re not strong. It just means you’re human. We’re stronger together than we could ever be apart. And I want you to know that I’m here, not out of obligation, but because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be."
His sincere and heartfelt words chip away at the walls I've meticulously erected around my heart. The realization hits me like a sunrise after the darkest night - it’s not just about accepting help, it’s about trusting enough to believe we’re better together.
"I see that now," I confess, the admission freeing yet another piece of the burden I've shouldered alone for far too long. "And I’m sorry for pushing you away. It wasn’t fair to you or Emily. Or to our baby." I place a hand gently over my belly, protective yet full of newfound hope.
Jake's smile is warm and inviting, like a beacon in the night. "We all have our fears, Mia. It’s facing them together that makes us stronger. I’m just glad we’re finally on the same page. I love you all, and there’s nothing we can’t overcome together."
I take a deep breath, the cool evening air doing little to quell the warmth spreading through my chest.
"Jake, I've realized something," I begin, my voice shaking with emotion. "I was wrong. Wrong to imply you shouldn't take time off work to help out with Emily and, soon, our baby on the way. We're going to be parents to three kids. That's... terrifying and incredible. And I can't, no, I don't want to do it without you."
Jake's grip on my hand tightens in an affirmation of presence more than anything. "Mia, I understand why you had to push me away to prove you could handle it all. But you never have to prove anything to me. I know you're strong, but we're stronger together. And," he pauses, a chuckle escaping him, "I guess I do get a bit... bossy. It's not fair to you. I'm going to work on that; on us. Finding a balance where we both feel heard, valued, and, most importantly, loved."
