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As we part ways, a tension-filled silence hangs in the air, quite different from the easy camaraderie we usually share. I can't help but wonder if I've asked for too much too soon and pushed too hard.
While trying to be present for the new baby and our blended family, I worry that I may have overlooked understanding Mia's fears and her view of our future together. This feeling lingers with me and makes me concerned that I need to make sure I am also taking Mia's feelings into account.
But on the other hand, I don't understand why she feels she has to shoulder all this as if I'm not a part of this growing family, her partner, or that we're not a team.
Chapter 16
~ Mia ~
Lessons in Love
Sitting across from Joanie in her cozy kitchen, the warm aroma of herbal tea fills the air. It mixes with the soft laughter of Emily and Joanie's granddaughter, Molly, playing in the other room. The comfort of Joanie's house wraps around me like a warm blanket.
It's a great distraction from the tension between Jake and I.
"I've noticed things have been tense between you and Jake?" Joanie's voice is gentle and probing without being intrusive. She has always had a way of making people open up.
Jake has still been checking on me whenever I have my classes at the ranch, but we haven't been hugged up or shown signs of affection like we usually do.
I nod, wrapping my hands around the teacup and feeling the warmth seep into my palms. "Yeah, it's like we're stuck in this routine. We're together, but there's this distance. It's hard to explain."
Joanie listens, her eyes reflecting an understanding that only comes with years of life experience. "Do you remember when I told you I got pregnant with Cody and Clarissa at 18?" she asks before sipping her tea.
"Oh! I imagine it was a bit of a whirlwind. Bill was starting his rodeo career, right?" I smile at being able to remember that. I always soak up when Joanie tells me her stories while baking in the ranch kitchen.
"Yes," Joanie begins, her gaze drifting to a past only she can see. "I was 18, fresh out of high school, and Bill was 19, his dreams of rodeo stardom just beginning. When I found out I was pregnant with the twins, it felt like both a blessing and a cause for concern. I didn't want Bill to feel trapped or give up on his dreams because of me."
"So, what did you do?" I find myself leaning in, drawn to her story and seeking parallels to my situation with Jake.
"We talked a lot about it. And I mean a lot. I wanted him to continue competing, even though he was torn, wanting to be there for me and the babies. But somehow, we found our balance. He traveled less in the last months of my pregnancy and was home for a while after the twins were born. It wasn't easy, but we made it work," Joanie explains, her voice tinged with nostalgia.
I sip my tea, mulling over her words. The idea that balance is achievable even in the most challenging of times offers a glimmer of hope. "It's just hard, you know? Jake is doing everything he can to be there for me and us, but there's this underlying tension. We aren't talking about the future, not like we used to. I think he's mostly upset that I'm saying I'll be fine handling the newborn, Emily, and Dylan."
Joanie reaches across the table, her hand covering mine. "Talk to him, Mia. Talk. The kind of conversation where everything is laid out on the table. It's not just about navigating your present. It’s about building your future together. Especially with the new baby on the way."
Her advice sinks in, and the weight of our current situation presses down on me. The easy solution would be to keep moving forward daily, letting the tension simmer under the surface. But deep down, I know that's not what I want for us. Jake and I need to find our way back to each other, reconnect, and realign our dreams and expectations.
Joanie's narrative unfolds a tale reminiscent of the classic struggles between personal dreams and family responsibilities. "Bill and I, we had our fair share of arguments. It was a difficult period. He was at the peak of his career, traveling for rodeos across the country, and there I was, about to bring our twins into the world. I insisted he focus on his career. 'This is your moment,' I used to say, but it only upset him."
She sighs heavily at such a painful time crossing her mind.
"He felt I didn't want him around, which wasn't true. It's just... I knew once the babies arrived, pausing his career wouldn't be as easy," she continues, her voice soft but filled with a strength born of those challenges. "Bill, he struggled with the notion. He wanted to take off work and be there for the pregnancy. But at the time, I wasn't working. He had been doing well with bringing in prize money from his rodeo wins. I thought it was selfish to stop the only money coming in for us."
I listen, absorbing every word, seeing parallels in my life with Jake. "But how did you manage to resolve it?" I ask, genuinely curious about the compromise that kept their love and family intact.
"It wasn't overnight, Mia," she admits. "It required a lot of conversations, tears, and understanding from both sides. We finally agreed that Bill would continue working but significantly reduce his travel. He made it a point to be present for the important moments, the scans, the check-ups, and when I needed him to be there."
She pauses, smiling faintly. "And then, in the last month, Bill stopped traveling altogether. He was there every day, making sure I was comfortable, attending the birthing classes with me, and preparing for the arrival of our twins. Bill didn't return to work until they were six weeks old."
"And your family? How did they fit into all this?" I probe, intrigued by how they navigated the complexities of work-life balance with a newborn.
"Our parents were our rock," Joanie says, a note of gratitude lacing her words. "Once Bill returned to work, they stepped in to help me with the twins. Balancing our careers and family life would have been impossible without their support. They taught us that having a community and a support network is crucial, especially when you're trying to juggle so much. That's how I eventually went to college and became a teacher."
Her story resonates deeply, offering not just advice but a way forward. "You're right, Joanie. Jake and I... we need to have that conversation. And maybe it's time to lean a little more on our family and friends for support. We don't have to do this alone."
Joanie's words hang in the air, mingling with the aroma of chamomile tea, and I find myself lost in thought. "You know, it does take a load off when you start tapping into the support system around you," Joanie continues. "Making sure the other parent is as involved as possible... it changes everything."
Her insight slices through my tangled emotions, revealing a truth I've been too stubborn to see. Jake. I've been so fixated on proving I can handle this, our pregnancy, on my own, driven by the ghost of a past that saw Emily's father walk away when I needed him most. In my determination to never feel that vulnerable again, I've inadvertently pushed Jake to the sidelines, not realizing that in doing so, I was sidelining a parent who wants to be here every step of the way.
