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“Thank you, Miles. I appreciate it. I truly do. You’re like my brother and I’ve been a shitty one to you and Sebastian. I promise to rectify that. This whole ordeal has given me time to think and there are things I need to change, beginning with my family. I love you, man.”
“Sam, we knew you would come around eventually. You had shit to work through but I’m glad that you finally got your head out of your ass. Now, let me go so I can make these calls.”
“Heh, thanks again. I’ll call with updates.”
Relief floods through me knowing Miles will ensure the news spreads to the appropriate people allowing me a small reprieve from the chaos of the day. However my anxiety spikes when I think of Marcy.
The news that Marcy died on that table today, even if only for a few moments, will forever haunt me.
Marcy. Died.
Died.
Almost gone forever.
Now the chair doesn’t comfort me, its once supporting embrace is replaced by restless energy. I’m back on my feet, pacing like a caged animal. Helplessness wraps around me, a suffocating shroud. Desperation claws at my chest, and fear bubbles up, threatening to overflow. Sweat covers my forehead, from the intensity of my emotions. My heart races like a wild stallion. Erratic breaths mirror the chaos within. At this moment, I’m both the storm and the ship caught in its fury.
Fuck, it’s happening again. Fear of the unknown overtakes my mind. The downward spiral is coming. I can feel it taking over my body, starting with my heart and shooting through the rest of me. I fall to my knees, gripping my hair until the pain erupts from the roots. Darkness envelops me in its sinewy grasp. I can’t breathe. My heart is going to burst. Heat courses through me making my skin slick with sweat. I can’t breathe. Flashes of Matt bleeding out in my lap plague my mind, playing over and over like a broken record. My hands fall from my hair.
Blood.
Blood is on my hands. Matthew’s or Marcy’s? I couldn't save them. I couldn't. I feel the bile coming. Abdominal cramps as I clutch my chest. Dry heaving.
Bile.
Or blood.
Death is coming. It’s coming for me as punishment. I feel it. It’s ripping my heart from my chest. I can feel each snap, each rip of my veins and arteries. My body falls to the floor. What is this chill? Is that it then? Am I dead? Gone? My whole body shudders without abandon. I’ve lost control of everything. Darkness is everywhere. I can’t breathe.
Blood.
I smell it.
Take care of my sister.
Take care of Marcy.
Marcy.
Dead.
Failure.
With trembling hands, I pull my phone from my pocket. I can barely see the screen through the tears and my shaking hands. I can’t see. I’m dying. Can she help?
“S-siri c-c-call doctorrr Willl–iamssss”
Ring.
Ring.
I can’t breathe.
Too late.
Ring.
Blood.
