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“Are you okay?” I ask a little tentatively once we’re back in the privacy of my room.
She nods, and she walks over to the window, where she folds her arms over her chest and stares out at the buildings surrounding us. She draws in an audible breath before slowly exhaling.
“I’ll order us some food. Anything in particular you want?”
She shakes her head, still not talking, and I’m not sure if she’s avoiding talking to me because of our own history, if it’s because she’s worried about her son, or if it’s because she’s still affected by what went down in the bar.
I would know these things about her if I knew her at all now.
But I don’t, and this is a clear reminder that she’s a different person than she was two decades ago…just like I am.
I walk up behind her, and I think about wrapping my arms around her, but I don’t. It would’ve been the most natural thing in the world for us if we were still fifteen and seventeen, but we’re not.
“Talk to me,” I murmur.
She shakes her head, and she turns to face me. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears, and one tips over. “I can’t do this,” she whispers.
“Can’t do what?”
“I can’t fight against this when I’m trying to hold it together for Jonah.” Her words come out on a sob, and my chest aches for her.
“Then stop fighting,” I say, and I take the opportunity to comfort her in the only way I know how.
I reach across the small distance spanning between us and thumb away the tear, and then I cup her neck with my palm, my fingers wrapping under her hair and around her neck. She closes her eyes as she leans into my touch, and I can’t help but study every feature of her beautiful face this close to me.
A few freckles dot her nose and cheeks, freckles I remember kissing when we were young. Her eyes are closed, so I can’t see the golden flecks there, but I see the shimmer of the shadow she wears on her lids.
I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead, and then to the freckles on the tip of her nose. I land another kiss on one cheek, and then the other, and it’s a sweet reminder of a simpler time.
It’s exactly how I kissed her the first time I kissed her. We were on her parents’ back patio, and it was a freezing winter night as we stared up at the clear sky right after a blizzard passed through. Snow surrounded us, and we could see the stars between the trees up in the sky.
It felt like the most romantic moment of my life. Maybe it still is.
It was the moment we both knew we were officially together, and I wanted to build the anticipation between us. I wanted to kiss her lips, but I wanted to kiss her everywhere, and somehow beginning with her forehead and traveling down to her lips seemed like a good place to start.
Eventually I did kiss her everywhere, but not as many times as I wanted. There wasn’t enough time in one single lifetime for us to ever say it would have been enough, never mind the fact that we were cut far shorter than we deserved.
I pull back after I kiss her cheek, not sure she wants this.
Her eyes open, and those golden flecks practically glow at me under the hazel irises. It’s lust or need, warmth maybe with a little love still peppered in there, but that’s all just a mask for the confusion she must feel as strongly as I do.
We can’t change the past.
But we can sure as hell make a better future.
I finally close my eyes and lean down. I catch her lips with mine, and she slips her arms around my waist.
I open my mouth to hers, and this kiss is so much sweeter than the one stolen in the lobby of the Complex. This one is private, for one thing. There are no cameras in here catching our move, no sinister enemies waiting outside to capture what we’re doing.
But the feelings here are wrapped in warmth and love. Neither of us moves tentatively, but we both move slowly. We have all the time in the world tonight, and whether or not this kiss is leading anywhere remains to be seen.
I want it to lead somewhere, but I want to make sure she wants it to lead there, too.
My tongue brushes hers, and she moans softly as her body melts into mine.
God, I love her.
I still love her.
